Thursday, May 26, 2011

Doctors...

Yes. I'm still alive.

I have been gluten free for 2 months now. Have not seen a significant difference in me... lost a FEW pounds... feel a BIT better... but is if worth it not to have bread and pasta?

Went to an OB/GYN today. He is a BLESSING. A Godly man who gave me HOPE and prayed with Andy and I before we left his office. Thank God for him. He made me feel like I'm not "broken". It was a great thing.

There was a HUGE storm last night. We were without power for 7 hours. The pugs were very nervous. Poor things. But joy cometh in the morning! (And so did the electricity... *smile*)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day 2011

So Mother's Day is hard.

The Lord got me through. I concentrated on the mothers that I love...

I still have hope.

My mom and sister both gave me something special for Mother's day... I have a wonderful family. (And you thought YOUR family was cool...)

Anyways... went to my first birthing class tonight... in prep for my Birth Doula training in July... LOVED it. I really feel like the Lord has led me to this juncture... I'm excited to see what He has next.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Finally an answer

We finally got a diagnosis for Dad (now that he is almost 100% better). He had a encephalitis (sp?) of his brain contracted from a Yellow Fever vaccine and a parasite in his body. Wow. (You have to have a yellow fever vaccine if you do any missions work, especially in Africa. You do NOT want to have Yellow Fever.)
All I know is this. The Lord has healed him. We are simply relieved to finally have a "why". And we are just blessed and joyful to have "Dad" back.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

An update

So I haven't posted in a few weeks. Here is a quick update on my life:

*Have decided to attempt a Gluten-Free diet. In the past few weeks, there have been several people that have approached me with "gluten-free" lifestyles or asking me if I have tried it yet. Those with a gluten intollerance are prone to infertility and recurrent miscarriage. Honestly, I wonder if the Lord has been trying to get my attention. There are several other "symptoms" that I have and the only way to test for it is to go gluten free for a few months. So bye bye bread and pasta for a while. We will see what happens. (We think my dad and possibly my sister have it, too... and since gluten intollerance is hereditary, that makes sense.)

*My dad is doing EXCELLENT. Almost fully restored. What a beautiful answer to prayer and blessing in our lives! We are so grateful to the Lord. Dad had to step down from his position in the ministry, and the day that he officially quit, he began to get better. Wonder what God is doing? Mom and Dad are wondering what the Lord has next for them, as they are both now unemployed... so who knows where their money will come from... but God has yet to fail them, so I guess there is no reason to worry.

*Andy and I have gotten back into the Word of God... doing daily devotions like we should have long ago but were too lazy to do so. The Lord has blessed our small efforts so greatly in the past month... we take a step towards Him and he takes 100 steps towards us. I have seen such a change in my husband... and there is much peace in my home. The cloud of depression has lifted. I am blessed. We are simply waiting on the Lord to direct us as to what He has for us.

*The pugs are the same. They never seem to change. I love that about them.

Anyway... I think that's about it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

March 15th

Today Andy and I have been together for seven years. I love my husband. He is kind and patient, hard working and loving, goofy and creative, talented and humble, handsome and caring... he loves me. He loves God. He loves our pugs. What more could I ask for?

Also, today is Daisy Lou's (our puglet) birthday. She is three years old. My gift to her... a long nap with me. She loved it. *smile* She is my snuggle-pug. Andy made her popcorn (she shared with Quigley).

Monday, March 14, 2011

To remember what really matters

Today my father has had to make a tough decision about his job. It is a sad day. He has not been able to work due to his health. We have been praying for his healing, hoping for miracles and waiting on the Lord. We know that the Lord is still in control and that He has a plan. Some days, we just wish we knew what it was. My mom has really been so strong throughout this entire process but I know that she is so tired and ready for relief.

Yesterday, a wonderful woman gave her testimony at church. She has had multiple sclerosis for fifteen years and has just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She can no longer walk. Her testimony was simple. The Lord chose this place for her so she has submitted to His plan and has chosen to praise him through the pain. I cried and went up to her and thanked her after service. I needed to hear that.

I guess I just need to remember that if the Lord does nothing else for me, what He did on the cross should be more than enough for me to live my life joyfully daily for Him.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Faith, Hope and Disappointment

Well I guess it's time to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. In about a month, Andy and I will FINALLY be covered with quality health insurance again. I wonder how long it takes to get in with a doctor just to get checked out and what insurance covers... I do not like doctors but am hoping for the best.

I spent the day working at a children's consignment sale, watching new moms and women with enormous pregnant bellies and wishing for my turn to finally be here. I would walk through fire to be a mom... I guess I pretty much already am.

One thing that I've been dealing with is the fact that so many of my friends that have not dealt with infertility or miscarriages truly do not understand the monthly pain of wishing for a child. Sometimes, there are moments that those I love hurt me with their misunderstanding of the grief and sometimes depression that miscarriage and infertility bring... but I have to remember that they just really have no clue what it's like. There is such a fine line between faith and hope and disappointment and discouragement. It is hard to know how to continue to have faith when each month your hopes are dashed.

I know that the Lord has used these past two years (this month makes an official two years since we started "trying" for a child) to make me more into the woman that He wants me to be. I know I still have some rough edges that He needs to work out... but I am tired and while I am still carrying on, I am longing for this trial to end.

Lord, help me to be strong and do what is right as I continue to wait on You.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Have I found my calling?

So I have been praying (off and on for a few years actually) for God to reveal my calling. I know that I am called to be Andy's wife. I know that I am called to be a mother. But beyond that, I have not known what God's path is for me.
I know I love to sing. I know I love children. I know I love my family and my pugs.
But in the past two years, through all the pain and suffering of infertility and miscarriages, I have realized something... I love children and pregnant women. Even though it hurts, I love to be around pregnant girls. I love to take care of them and help them prepare for their babies. I love to share the knowledge obtained through years of research I have done as I've waited for my turn...
So I've just taken a big step. I just registered for a birth doula class. In case you don't know, a doula is basically a birth coach... someone who helps you prepare for birth, supports you through birth and the first few hours with your newborn (assisting with breastfeeding). My classes are in July. Then I will offer free doula services until I get my certification (then I can charge $$).
I am SO excited! I feel like I just changed my life.
Andy has been SO supportive. I am so glad to be his wife.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Random thoughts...

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for my mother-in-law. We had lunch with her on Sunday and before we left, she gave me a baby blanket that she had made for me... in faith... for our child. It was a precious moment. I held it on my lap the whole ride home... just thinking about the faith and hope for a child.

A few weeks ago, I finally got to meet my new niece Leah Blakely Burney... isn't she precious? (I've just now put the pictures onto my computer...)










And I got another special picture this weekend... Andy playing legos with our 7 year old nephew Daaron... I just thought it was so cute. I'm not sure who was having more fun... Andy or Daaron. *smile*

To dance in the rain...

I was on my way to work this morning, looked out before I left to see a cloudy morning, grabbed my purse and decided against my rain boots... walked out the door and it was POURING RAIN.
My umbrella was in the car and our home is about 50 yards from where we park on the street. I was pretty much soaked by the time I made it to the car. It poured ALL morning and by lunch time, I was seriously considering dancing in the rain. Why not? But if I did, I'd want a picture of it and there was no one else around. I mean, who would be crazy enough to dance in the rain with me? (Besides probably Kendalyn.... heehee).

Monday, February 21, 2011

Back to square one

Well, my mom's blood tests came back clear. Which means that there is nothing in her blood that would be hereditary that might cause miscarriages.
So I guess we are back to square one. I am hopeful, though. Maybe that means that our infertility problems were just another step in God's plan for our lives and that our miracle is just around the corner.
If the Lord does not bless us within the next few months, Andy and I will probably go in for some testing. Maybe the Lord will work through a doctor. I don't know. I know that God is able to do all things and that He can do miracles, but I also know that God sometimes works His blessings through doctors. I know one such miracle... his name is Jude. And he is a precious little one that his mommy and daddy waited for over four years for... until they were led to a good doctor that was able to find a simple hormonal problem that could be fixed easily.
I will not give up hope.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Things I've made...

So I just finished a big sewing and crochet project for my cutie little sis-in-law who is expecting her first little one in May. (Her baby shower is tomorrow.) I always feel so good and accomplished when I finish a project like this one, on time and I'm pretty proud of how everything turned out... so I thought I'd post some pictures. And while I'm at it, I might as well post a few of my other projects I've done (since I don't take the time to post pictures often).

Here is the diaper bag, burp cloths and crocheted monkey and lion for Melanie Odom (my sis-in-law). There is also a matching changing pad inside the bag that isn't pictured:












Here is a Winnie the Pooh baby quilt I made... my first experience with a log cabin quilt:









Here are a few of the crocheted blankets and other items I have made (mostly for friends' babies):
















































And lastly, a Care Bear I made for my niece... complete with heart on the butt:












Okay... after posting all of this, I now remember WHY I do not post pictures often. Posting on Blogger is a pain in the butt. Tonya, you are going to have to tell me your secret to easy picture posting... *smile*

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Got out early...

Got out of work early... so I got to have a nap, did dishes, had time to make (from scratch) a chicken pot pie and large salad for dinner and will start a sewing project after dinner... I love having ACTUAL time at home to get things done. *smile*

Monday, February 7, 2011

I feel like Hannah...

Last night, one of my precious friends announced her pregnancy. She hugged me and said "I was so nervous and unsure as to how to tell you"... I just smiled and told her that I was so happy for her.

I feel like Hannah (see story 1 Samuel). When she was barren and heartbroken, longing for a child, she received a promise from the Lord (through the priest Eli) that her prayers would be answered. Then she went away and was happy, even though she did not know when her miracle would come to fruition. That's where I am today.

Recently, I was spending some special time in prayer and the Lord led me to Hannah's story, and then to Psalm 20 and then to Matthew 7:7... touching my heart and answering my prayers in such a quiet peaceful way. I feel spiritually pregnant. I am just waiting for God's timing.

I talked to my mom and she was sent for some special blood tests today. Her doctor asked her "you have three daughters, right?" and she said "yes"... he then asked "have any of your daughters had miscarriages?" Apparently, there is some factor that they are looking for in her blood that is hereditary that causes miscarriages. And if that is the problem, it's a simple fix. Maybe this is my answer.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

My new passion

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord allows some of the struggles in my life. Why I have had to walk the difficult road of empty arms while my husband and I battle with infertility. But I have recently discovered something... and I may have my answer.

I LOVE babies.

Okay... that may not be an epiphany to most, but not only do I just love babies, I love pregnant women... I love hearing birth stories and am not offended or grossed out by any gory detail.

I have recently delved into the deep controversial world of homebirth and am facinated by it. I am enthralled with the beauty of the Lord's designs... the way he made women to give life to precious babies. The way he built us to carry and protect his new little creations for nine months and then gave us the ability to bring them into the world.

Granted, not all women are good candidates for homebirth. For example, any with high risk or complicated pregnancies... but those women are a minority. And most women nowadays would rather have the hospital experience and want to have easy access to pain medication. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But after the difficulties I have had just in the hopes to be able to get pregnant, I have become passionate about being able to experience pregnancy and birth naturally. I want to be able to control the birth experience of my children without medical intervention (unless it is an emergency situation...)

Yes, this is a contraversial issue and I am not one to push my ideals or crazy notions onto those I love... but there is so much factual information out there to prove that homebirth is as safe as and sometimes safer than hospital birth. And most of the "horror stories" of birth that I have heard usually revolve around hospital protocol and being pushed with interventions that were unnecessary and not wanted by the mom in labor. I think that American women have become so fearful of labor and birth that often they just go along with whatever they are told... in hopes of something that can make the pain go away.

But I guess I can't say much since I have not yet had a baby... but I intend of studying this further to be prepared for when my time comes.

Okay... I will get off my soapbox... for a moment. But if anyone is interested in figuring out why I am so consumed with this topic, go to http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/. You will be amazed.

I wonder if I would be a good midwife.

Monday, January 10, 2011

2011... the year of expectation

So my sisters have LOVINGLY deemed 2010 "The Year of Suck". I think it fits. We had a rough year... to say the least.

And we are expecting 2011 to be filled with miracles. We have prayed for months and months for miracles. The time is now.

So far this year, we've already had one miracle... a new job for Andy! We are grateful.

My dad has really been struggling... especially since just before Thanksgiving. We need a miracle. A BIG miracle. Mom is just about worn out caring for him and he is not the man he used to be. We need our dad back. God has a big job for him and right now, he cannot even leave the house often. We need God's intervention FAST.

Andy and I have been praying for, hoping for and longing for a child. After two miscarriages, and almost two years of trying, it is so easy to be discouraged and upset. But I still have hope.

Other miracles we are praying for: financial security, dependable vehicles and a child-friendly home (studio loft is not baby friendly) for me and Andy; a job, husband and home for Sharee'; a new job for my brother-in-law Steve so he can stay home and not travel so much; and a safe pregnancy and delivery for my sister-in-law Melanie.

The Lord has protected my pugs from sickness, kept my family (besides Dad's struggles) healthy and although we've had tight finances, He has always provided enough. That is a miracle in itself.