Sunday, October 25, 2009

October so far... answered prayers

Well, my Quigley pug got sick. VERY sick. Did not eat or drink for over 24 hours (if anyone knows pugs, this is UNHEARD of in pug world). Lost 1 1/2 lbs in 48 hours. The vet was less than optimistic. The vet tech even less bright... talking about "discussing your options" with the vet. Nuhuh. I looked at her through tears and said "I've already lost a baby. I'm not losing my dog." They gave him a shot to keep him from vomiting anymore (guess it took a while to kick in since he puked again as soon as I got him into the car) and we just prayed that he would snap out of it. God hears prayers of despiration... and He knew I needed my Quigley. Within a few hours, he started to drink some water. The next morning, he was hungry again. We were so glad... I think I would have cooked him a feast if I could have.

So insurance companies are not my friend. Andy and I do not have pregnancy coverage in our health insurance. When we found out I was expecting, we applied for it. I ended up having to rush to the doctor due to the miscarriage the same day that I sent in my application (via internet... they should have those things immediately, right?)... Well, they approved us for insurance but they approved it on the day THEY received my application, not the day I applied... long story short, we ended up with $1135 that we owed. Sorry, but I do not think I have that much in my piggy bank. I prayed for God's favor, called the insurance company, and guess what?!?!? They retroacted my insurance to pay for that bill! YAY!

Andy and I have alot of changes coming up rather quickly in our life. Sometimes it is hard to trust God with the big things... and even with the little things. But I guess I just need to remind myself of all the blessings He has bestowed on us lately.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

A good cry = healing

My mom told me about a song... said I had to get the cd. So I go on youtube and check out a video... this WILL make you cry so beware.

The story is that this couple (who are part of the Christian group Selah) were expecting their fourth daughter. In the middle of the pregnancy, they were told that their unborn baby had several serious conditions that were incompatible with life. Her lungs were not developing, her kidneys couldn’t function and there was an absence of amniotic fluid around her. Todd and Angie made the decision to carry baby Audrey to term, until it was time to say goodbye. “We decided that she would stay with us until the Lord takes her.” Their doctor told them that she would not likely live through the birthing process.

Their baby Audrey Caroline lived for 2 1/2 hours. The song and youtube video is a tribute to her. Sadly, only 7 weeks later, Audrey Caroline's baby cousin Gregory Luke died of SIDS at just 10 weeks old... Such tragedy in such a short time and yet their faith is still strong. Baby Audrey's mommy has a beautiful blog that will encourage you... http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/... it has certainly encouraged me. And sometimes tears are healing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&feature=related

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Thank God September is over

I am so grateful that it is October. September was the toughest, most difficult month of my entire life. Today is four weeks since I lost my little one... still miss my little bean.

Still sad. Still looking towards the future. Still hopeful. Still trusting God.

Been trying to "get healthy". Done at least a mile each day this week and a few last week. Eating better and more healthy... I guess it's just my way of preparing...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Just a dream...

I feel like the time I was pregnant was just a dream I had. Amazing how everything can change in 24 hours.

Still miss "Little Bean" but trying to move on.

God is still good. We still have peace.

Love my pugs.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Screen Cleaner

PS... scroll down to the bottom of the page to see my screen cleaner...

God makes no mistakes...

In church this morning, the pastor said this... and I needed to hear it... "God makes no mistakes". I think sometimes we need a reminder that He is still in control.

Romans 8:28 (We've all heard it a thousand times...) "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (NKJV)

So no matter what, God makes no mistakes. God is still on the throne.

I really want to handle this storm in a way that pleases God. I do not want to mope and become bitter. I want to thank God for the blessings and even the pain, for I know that God is working this whole situation for my good.

And FYI... I've put new music on my blog playlist. Songs that have been playing in my head throughout this week... songs that have encouraged me. I hope they encourage you.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Joy cometh in the morning...

Weeping may endureth for a night... but JOY cometh in the morning!

It is okay to cry about losing a child. And yes, we lost a child. From the moment of conception, a baby is a baby. God formed the child in my womb and only He knows why we never got to meet our "little bean".

But I know there is Hope.

I am trying to concentrate on the good things... the hope for the future, the reality that it could have been so much worse, the fact that we know we are able to conceive, and that God is still in control.

I know this... I love my husband. He has been so loving, supportive, caring, and understanding throughout this ordeal. He is grieving this loss, too, and yet his focus is on my feelings and how I am coping with this pain. I am a blessed woman.

God is still in control...

I was pregnant 24 hours ago. Now I am not.

God is still in control.

I was able to see the "little bean" on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Today it was not there.

God is still in control.

I am sad. My heart hurts. I miss the baby.

God is still in control.

Andy is sad, too. He wanted to be a daddy.

God is still in control.

God knows my heart. He knows how I hurt. He knows my dreams to be a mommy.

He is still in control... He holds my tears.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I'm a terrible blogger

Well, we have been busy.

Been getting to work at 5:30 A.M. each morning for the past two weeks. Did not know that the sun came out that early. It saddens me that parents actually drop their kids off before 6 A.M. Poor kids.

So I am tired alot right now. But that is okay. It is just for these two weeks. Go back to the 7 A.M. - 3 P.M. shift again next week... and nest week is a SHORT WEEK!!! YAY! We get to go and see Greg and Kendalyn and Charlie next weekend. I think Andy and I really need to get away and spend a weekend with friends. If not for our pugs, we would be TOTALLY stressed out right now.

We are really ready for this phase of our lives to be over. We have been here for three years now. Wow. I am amazed that it has been that long.

I think we need a vacation. We need to go to the beach. We have not had an actual vacation since before we moved to Cookeville... and it kills me that two of my best friends are on vacation this week. UGH. SO not fair. But I love them, so I cannot get mad. Heehee.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Cloth Diapers...

Okay... you know me... I'm obsessed with cloth diapers!!!!

If you are interested in trying cloth... PLEASE contact me... and join in this contest for free diapers!!!

FEED YOUR STASH FRIDAY Gro Baby One Size Diapers in KIWI and MANDARIN!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pugnic 2009



It was going to rain on Saturday... but it was the day of the pugnic. So Quigley, Daisy, Jan (my friendly coworker) and I trasped out on a rainy day from Cookeville to Nashville to attend the pugnic. (Andy wished he could come with us, but sadly, he had to work... so he wants to go next year... we can't wait!)


Daisy Lou decided that she was going to be the friendliest pug in town, meeting every pug and puppy in attendance, tying Jan into knots with her leash... poor Jan. *smile*
Quigley let us know right away that pugnics are NOT his thing. His feet were wet and I don't think he liked the reminder that yes, he is a dog... not a human being. He was so glad to get home.


Once we were home, both pugs CRASHED for the evening. I don't think they even thought about eating dinner... they were SO exhausted! So snoring abounded in my home for the rest of the night.


Monday, March 30, 2009

This Christian thing...

So I think I am realizing more and more what this whole "Christian thing" is all about. I think I grew up believing that a Christian is perfect... always does the right thing... always says the right thing... never upsets anyone... Maybe that is the vice of growing up in the church.

Perhaps that is the cause of so many rebellious teenagers in the church... believing that they are to be "perfect" and because they are incapable of being so, they rebel.

In my Bible Study tonight, I really felt slapped with the realization that being God's child really does not mean that you are always doing the right thing. Honestly... most of the people in the Bible were REALLY screwed up! We are doing a study on David... and he was sure not perfect... aldulterer, murderer... he had several wives and concubines... he got angry at God... and yet he was called "a man after God's own heart" by GOD!!! hmm. Paul... one of the most incredible apostles, was a man that murdered Christians.

I'm guessing that if those men could not walk in the right path all the time, then I probably will fail also... and yet God's Grace is PREVIOUS... He already knows when, how and why I will sin... and yet He has ALREADY given me grace for those moments. WOW. It is kind of mind blowing. If I were God, I think I would not be so gracious.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Terrible Blogger

So I am a terrible blogger... but since I do not have internet access at home and am only near internet availability a few times a week, I do not feel that bad. *smile*

Nine months left... Andy will graduate with his Bachelor's Degree in 9 months. Wow. We moved to Cookeville almost three years ago so that he could go to college.

Interesting bit of trivia... I've had FIVE jobs in the three years that we have lived out here. Ha. That is pathetic.

Now it is time to start deciding what is next... where we will live... what job Andy will have... what I will do... when children will come into the picture. Seems a bit overwhelming at times... and kind of exciting.

One thing is for certain... it is not a good time to be poor. Heehee. Moving and changing things takes money. But if God owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" then I think He could sell a few to help us do whatever he has planned for us next. *giggle*

If anyone reading this knows me AT ALL... or has spoken to me for five minutes or more... you know I REALLY want children. But as the reality of motherhood is approaching, I must admit I am nervous. Having a child is not just having baby showers, giving birth and bringing home a little bundle of joy. It is a responsibility to raise a child in God's word, to discipline as God would have you to and to care for this child 24/7 for the next 18 years... wow. Only with God's help can I do this crazy calling. I know that I will be a mom one day... sooner now rather than later... what an amazing and scary adventure!

I hope the pugs have prepared me for motherhood... ha.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Non-traditional college life

Okay... it's been a while since I took the time to write... guess I've been busy, overwhelmed, overworked and the like... *smile* But there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! Only 9 months and Andy will graduate with his bachelors and we can move on with our life... YAY!

But I must say this... I thank God that He brought us out here. We have been poor, but always had enough. We have struggled, but never lost hope. We have cried but been able to laugh. God has truly worked on us and through us while we've lived the "non-traditional college life". We are not sure what is next right now, though we are praying about it. We see some amazing changes on the horizon and they are finally close enough to see.

I still chase toddlers daily. Have some pretty concrete views on child-rearing at this point. *smile* At least I have a list of what NOT to do... ha.

And I thank God for Andy. He is a wonderful husband. He has truly suffered and struggled to make our life better and I do not think he realizes how proud I am of him.

Hmm... and our pugs... truly the highlight of our lives. *smile* My new favorite thing - napping with Daisy... she is our cuddlepug.

Anyways... that's all for now.