Dear God,
I do not understand. It has been over six months since we lost our precious little bean. We have officially been trying for a baby for a year now. Each month we pray for a child. Each month we hope for a baby. Each month we put our faith in you... and each month we are still waiting.
Now, I know that your timing is not ours. I know we do not see the entire picture. I know that you have a plan. But I just cannot see it.
I am exhausted. I am tired of waiting. Everywhere I turn, I hear friends say "it will happen" or "just be patient". And everywhere I turn, people are pregnant and expecting their miracles. It just hurts my heart.
I feel like I am close to a breakdown. With financial stresses, unfulfilled expectations, and not much to smile about right now, it is hard to trust. I just do not know how much more I can handle.
I can feel my faith being tested... I hope I pass the test, Lord, because right now, all I can see is disappointment and pain. Some days are better than others. I guess I am just in a dark moment.
Please help me God.
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5 comments:
:( My heart aches for you. Fertility is painful to deal with... I hope you get answers soon. Being that it has been 1 year now, I really think it's time to talk to your doctor. Let me know if you need any advice... it took a lot of steps to get us pregnant but it was worth every step!
We like insurance, but it did not like us as much. So no doctors anytime soon, sad to say.
Thanks for the encouragement, Jessi. I agree with you... being pregnant would be worth whatever it takes. But, sadly, Andy is right. Insurance is not our friend. But please keep praying with us. Hopefully we will have good news soon.
I will definitely be praying for you. Our insurance doesn't cover fertility either... but because my OB/GYN helped us instead of sending me to a fertility clinic, insurance covered way more than I thought they would and I was shocked. If we would of had to go much further though, we would have had to just stop for a while, too, until we could save up for certain procedures. God will align everything in perfect timing. I know it's SO hard to grasp, I still don't understand why Glenn and I went through what we did, but there is a plan somewhere. Keep us posted!
Oh, Shontel. You know my heart feels just where you are right now, I am all to familiar with your words.
I try to think of this journey as hills and valleys, and when I am on a hill I try to enjoy it ... when in a valley I try to keep looking up.
God hears you, friend. He knows and he has not forsaken you.
Big, giant, enormous, knock you down hugs to you and Andy!!!
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