Not myself

Today I came to a realization. This is not something I'm proud of... I'm just warning you.

I am not myself here... (no I'm not crazy... keep reading...) I have been at this job for over a year now. I do not believe I have had a "good day at work" since probably November... give or take a few days that my boss was on vacation. I think the stress and irritation is starting to get to me.

Someone asked me today if they had offended me... not understanding why they would ask me such a question, I inquired the reason. They said that I have been a bit short and testy with them lately. I honestly had not noticed. I sincerely apologized and assured them that there was nothing that they had done to upset me. I felt about three inches tall.

This is not ME. I am not like that. I want to be a servant and love those around me. I try to be patient and help whoever I can... at least that's who I've striven to be. Now that I think about it, I've been bringing this irritation and testiness home with me. Poor Andy. (Sorry honey... in case you are reading this.)

I think it's time for me to move on and get a new job. I have tried and tried to make myself just deal with it and grow up and quit whining. I keep reminding myself that this is not permanent and that I should just depend on God and ask Him to help me through each day. I have been attempting to do that and it has helped some but I do not know how much longer I can handle this position... this office... this manager. I do not want to be the person that people "walk on eggshells" around, for fear of a blow up. Maybe I'm just giving up too soon... I do not want to be the one that runs from her problems, either. *sigh*

I do not have any motivation to do my work. I have a hard time concentrating. I get depressed just about every Sunday night remembering that Monday morning is the next day... (although I believe most people deal with that... *smile*).

God please help me with this. I am ill-equipped to handle this situation.