Well I guess it's time to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. In about a month, Andy and I will FINALLY be covered with quality health insurance again. I wonder how long it takes to get in with a doctor just to get checked out and what insurance covers... I do not like doctors but am hoping for the best.
I spent the day working at a children's consignment sale, watching new moms and women with enormous pregnant bellies and wishing for my turn to finally be here. I would walk through fire to be a mom... I guess I pretty much already am.
One thing that I've been dealing with is the fact that so many of my friends that have not dealt with infertility or miscarriages truly do not understand the monthly pain of wishing for a child. Sometimes, there are moments that those I love hurt me with their misunderstanding of the grief and sometimes depression that miscarriage and infertility bring... but I have to remember that they just really have no clue what it's like. There is such a fine line between faith and hope and disappointment and discouragement. It is hard to know how to continue to have faith when each month your hopes are dashed.
I know that the Lord has used these past two years (this month makes an official two years since we started "trying" for a child) to make me more into the woman that He wants me to be. I know I still have some rough edges that He needs to work out... but I am tired and while I am still carrying on, I am longing for this trial to end.
Lord, help me to be strong and do what is right as I continue to wait on You.
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Have I found my calling?
So I have been praying (off and on for a few years actually) for God to reveal my calling. I know that I am called to be Andy's wife. I know that I am called to be a mother. But beyond that, I have not known what God's path is for me.
I know I love to sing. I know I love children. I know I love my family and my pugs.
But in the past two years, through all the pain and suffering of infertility and miscarriages, I have realized something... I love children and pregnant women. Even though it hurts, I love to be around pregnant girls. I love to take care of them and help them prepare for their babies. I love to share the knowledge obtained through years of research I have done as I've waited for my turn...
So I've just taken a big step. I just registered for a birth doula class. In case you don't know, a doula is basically a birth coach... someone who helps you prepare for birth, supports you through birth and the first few hours with your newborn (assisting with breastfeeding). My classes are in July. Then I will offer free doula services until I get my certification (then I can charge $$).
I am SO excited! I feel like I just changed my life.
Andy has been SO supportive. I am so glad to be his wife.
I know I love to sing. I know I love children. I know I love my family and my pugs.
But in the past two years, through all the pain and suffering of infertility and miscarriages, I have realized something... I love children and pregnant women. Even though it hurts, I love to be around pregnant girls. I love to take care of them and help them prepare for their babies. I love to share the knowledge obtained through years of research I have done as I've waited for my turn...
So I've just taken a big step. I just registered for a birth doula class. In case you don't know, a doula is basically a birth coach... someone who helps you prepare for birth, supports you through birth and the first few hours with your newborn (assisting with breastfeeding). My classes are in July. Then I will offer free doula services until I get my certification (then I can charge $$).
I am SO excited! I feel like I just changed my life.
Andy has been SO supportive. I am so glad to be his wife.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Back to square one
Well, my mom's blood tests came back clear. Which means that there is nothing in her blood that would be hereditary that might cause miscarriages.
So I guess we are back to square one. I am hopeful, though. Maybe that means that our infertility problems were just another step in God's plan for our lives and that our miracle is just around the corner.
If the Lord does not bless us within the next few months, Andy and I will probably go in for some testing. Maybe the Lord will work through a doctor. I don't know. I know that God is able to do all things and that He can do miracles, but I also know that God sometimes works His blessings through doctors. I know one such miracle... his name is Jude. And he is a precious little one that his mommy and daddy waited for over four years for... until they were led to a good doctor that was able to find a simple hormonal problem that could be fixed easily.
I will not give up hope.
So I guess we are back to square one. I am hopeful, though. Maybe that means that our infertility problems were just another step in God's plan for our lives and that our miracle is just around the corner.
If the Lord does not bless us within the next few months, Andy and I will probably go in for some testing. Maybe the Lord will work through a doctor. I don't know. I know that God is able to do all things and that He can do miracles, but I also know that God sometimes works His blessings through doctors. I know one such miracle... his name is Jude. And he is a precious little one that his mommy and daddy waited for over four years for... until they were led to a good doctor that was able to find a simple hormonal problem that could be fixed easily.
I will not give up hope.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I feel like Hannah...
Last night, one of my precious friends announced her pregnancy. She hugged me and said "I was so nervous and unsure as to how to tell you"... I just smiled and told her that I was so happy for her.
I feel like Hannah (see story 1 Samuel). When she was barren and heartbroken, longing for a child, she received a promise from the Lord (through the priest Eli) that her prayers would be answered. Then she went away and was happy, even though she did not know when her miracle would come to fruition. That's where I am today.
Recently, I was spending some special time in prayer and the Lord led me to Hannah's story, and then to Psalm 20 and then to Matthew 7:7... touching my heart and answering my prayers in such a quiet peaceful way. I feel spiritually pregnant. I am just waiting for God's timing.
I talked to my mom and she was sent for some special blood tests today. Her doctor asked her "you have three daughters, right?" and she said "yes"... he then asked "have any of your daughters had miscarriages?" Apparently, there is some factor that they are looking for in her blood that is hereditary that causes miscarriages. And if that is the problem, it's a simple fix. Maybe this is my answer.
I feel like Hannah (see story 1 Samuel). When she was barren and heartbroken, longing for a child, she received a promise from the Lord (through the priest Eli) that her prayers would be answered. Then she went away and was happy, even though she did not know when her miracle would come to fruition. That's where I am today.
Recently, I was spending some special time in prayer and the Lord led me to Hannah's story, and then to Psalm 20 and then to Matthew 7:7... touching my heart and answering my prayers in such a quiet peaceful way. I feel spiritually pregnant. I am just waiting for God's timing.
I talked to my mom and she was sent for some special blood tests today. Her doctor asked her "you have three daughters, right?" and she said "yes"... he then asked "have any of your daughters had miscarriages?" Apparently, there is some factor that they are looking for in her blood that is hereditary that causes miscarriages. And if that is the problem, it's a simple fix. Maybe this is my answer.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My new passion
Sometimes I wonder why the Lord allows some of the struggles in my life. Why I have had to walk the difficult road of empty arms while my husband and I battle with infertility. But I have recently discovered something... and I may have my answer.
I LOVE babies.
Okay... that may not be an epiphany to most, but not only do I just love babies, I love pregnant women... I love hearing birth stories and am not offended or grossed out by any gory detail.
I have recently delved into the deep controversial world of homebirth and am facinated by it. I am enthralled with the beauty of the Lord's designs... the way he made women to give life to precious babies. The way he built us to carry and protect his new little creations for nine months and then gave us the ability to bring them into the world.
Granted, not all women are good candidates for homebirth. For example, any with high risk or complicated pregnancies... but those women are a minority. And most women nowadays would rather have the hospital experience and want to have easy access to pain medication. And there is nothing wrong with that.
But after the difficulties I have had just in the hopes to be able to get pregnant, I have become passionate about being able to experience pregnancy and birth naturally. I want to be able to control the birth experience of my children without medical intervention (unless it is an emergency situation...)
Yes, this is a contraversial issue and I am not one to push my ideals or crazy notions onto those I love... but there is so much factual information out there to prove that homebirth is as safe as and sometimes safer than hospital birth. And most of the "horror stories" of birth that I have heard usually revolve around hospital protocol and being pushed with interventions that were unnecessary and not wanted by the mom in labor. I think that American women have become so fearful of labor and birth that often they just go along with whatever they are told... in hopes of something that can make the pain go away.
But I guess I can't say much since I have not yet had a baby... but I intend of studying this further to be prepared for when my time comes.
Okay... I will get off my soapbox... for a moment. But if anyone is interested in figuring out why I am so consumed with this topic, go to http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/. You will be amazed.
I wonder if I would be a good midwife.
I LOVE babies.
Okay... that may not be an epiphany to most, but not only do I just love babies, I love pregnant women... I love hearing birth stories and am not offended or grossed out by any gory detail.
I have recently delved into the deep controversial world of homebirth and am facinated by it. I am enthralled with the beauty of the Lord's designs... the way he made women to give life to precious babies. The way he built us to carry and protect his new little creations for nine months and then gave us the ability to bring them into the world.
Granted, not all women are good candidates for homebirth. For example, any with high risk or complicated pregnancies... but those women are a minority. And most women nowadays would rather have the hospital experience and want to have easy access to pain medication. And there is nothing wrong with that.
But after the difficulties I have had just in the hopes to be able to get pregnant, I have become passionate about being able to experience pregnancy and birth naturally. I want to be able to control the birth experience of my children without medical intervention (unless it is an emergency situation...)
Yes, this is a contraversial issue and I am not one to push my ideals or crazy notions onto those I love... but there is so much factual information out there to prove that homebirth is as safe as and sometimes safer than hospital birth. And most of the "horror stories" of birth that I have heard usually revolve around hospital protocol and being pushed with interventions that were unnecessary and not wanted by the mom in labor. I think that American women have become so fearful of labor and birth that often they just go along with whatever they are told... in hopes of something that can make the pain go away.
But I guess I can't say much since I have not yet had a baby... but I intend of studying this further to be prepared for when my time comes.
Okay... I will get off my soapbox... for a moment. But if anyone is interested in figuring out why I am so consumed with this topic, go to http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/. You will be amazed.
I wonder if I would be a good midwife.
Monday, January 10, 2011
2011... the year of expectation
So my sisters have LOVINGLY deemed 2010 "The Year of Suck". I think it fits. We had a rough year... to say the least.
And we are expecting 2011 to be filled with miracles. We have prayed for months and months for miracles. The time is now.
So far this year, we've already had one miracle... a new job for Andy! We are grateful.
My dad has really been struggling... especially since just before Thanksgiving. We need a miracle. A BIG miracle. Mom is just about worn out caring for him and he is not the man he used to be. We need our dad back. God has a big job for him and right now, he cannot even leave the house often. We need God's intervention FAST.
Andy and I have been praying for, hoping for and longing for a child. After two miscarriages, and almost two years of trying, it is so easy to be discouraged and upset. But I still have hope.
Other miracles we are praying for: financial security, dependable vehicles and a child-friendly home (studio loft is not baby friendly) for me and Andy; a job, husband and home for Sharee'; a new job for my brother-in-law Steve so he can stay home and not travel so much; and a safe pregnancy and delivery for my sister-in-law Melanie.
The Lord has protected my pugs from sickness, kept my family (besides Dad's struggles) healthy and although we've had tight finances, He has always provided enough. That is a miracle in itself.
And we are expecting 2011 to be filled with miracles. We have prayed for months and months for miracles. The time is now.
So far this year, we've already had one miracle... a new job for Andy! We are grateful.
My dad has really been struggling... especially since just before Thanksgiving. We need a miracle. A BIG miracle. Mom is just about worn out caring for him and he is not the man he used to be. We need our dad back. God has a big job for him and right now, he cannot even leave the house often. We need God's intervention FAST.
Andy and I have been praying for, hoping for and longing for a child. After two miscarriages, and almost two years of trying, it is so easy to be discouraged and upset. But I still have hope.
Other miracles we are praying for: financial security, dependable vehicles and a child-friendly home (studio loft is not baby friendly) for me and Andy; a job, husband and home for Sharee'; a new job for my brother-in-law Steve so he can stay home and not travel so much; and a safe pregnancy and delivery for my sister-in-law Melanie.
The Lord has protected my pugs from sickness, kept my family (besides Dad's struggles) healthy and although we've had tight finances, He has always provided enough. That is a miracle in itself.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Dear Little Bean...
Dear Little Bean,
How much I miss you. I cherished the time I had you and thank God for what moments I did have with you, though they were cut short... before I ever got to see your sweet face. I think of you today, wondering if it would have been your birthday, considering that today is the day you would have been due to enter this world.
Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you very much. We know that you are well taken care of among angels, mommy's Mimi, and your two wonderful great-grandfathers.
We are hopeful that God will bless us again soon, not so that we forget you but to fill mommy's and daddy's empty arms.
We will see you one day, but until then, you are loved.
Love,
Mommy
How much I miss you. I cherished the time I had you and thank God for what moments I did have with you, though they were cut short... before I ever got to see your sweet face. I think of you today, wondering if it would have been your birthday, considering that today is the day you would have been due to enter this world.
Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you very much. We know that you are well taken care of among angels, mommy's Mimi, and your two wonderful great-grandfathers.
We are hopeful that God will bless us again soon, not so that we forget you but to fill mommy's and daddy's empty arms.
We will see you one day, but until then, you are loved.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, March 15, 2010
Conversation with Dad
So Andy and I were talking with Mom and Dad Saturday night... and Dad was expressing his concerns over the crazy amount of stress Andy and I have been under the past few months.
He listed just a few of the things we have walked through this year... With me working two jobs to get Andy through college, him working and doing school full time, money always being super tight, then we lost the baby, then Andy had to finish his last semester. So Andy graduated, Christmas was a few days later and then we moved over 100 miles a few days after that. So our new landlady is crazy, Andy could not find a job, I started working a new job a few days after we moved, Andy started the band with the boys, we were having to unpack our house... with continued financial stress and such. Wow. No wonder we are stressed!
Well... I guess I feel a little justified and certainly no longer crazy! Thank God for my parents!
And there is light at the end of the tunnel! Andy started a new job today! With benefits! And he has begun teaching home guitar lessons... so it is possible that I might be able to work part time instead of full time soon! I feel the weight of being the breadwinner being lifted off of my shoulders. And for the first time in 3 years, Andy and I will have a similar schedule! Maybe we will be able to go on our first vacation in 4 years!
So maybe if the stress of life lessens, it might be easier to have a baby! Just have to keep praying!
He listed just a few of the things we have walked through this year... With me working two jobs to get Andy through college, him working and doing school full time, money always being super tight, then we lost the baby, then Andy had to finish his last semester. So Andy graduated, Christmas was a few days later and then we moved over 100 miles a few days after that. So our new landlady is crazy, Andy could not find a job, I started working a new job a few days after we moved, Andy started the band with the boys, we were having to unpack our house... with continued financial stress and such. Wow. No wonder we are stressed!
Well... I guess I feel a little justified and certainly no longer crazy! Thank God for my parents!
And there is light at the end of the tunnel! Andy started a new job today! With benefits! And he has begun teaching home guitar lessons... so it is possible that I might be able to work part time instead of full time soon! I feel the weight of being the breadwinner being lifted off of my shoulders. And for the first time in 3 years, Andy and I will have a similar schedule! Maybe we will be able to go on our first vacation in 4 years!
So maybe if the stress of life lessens, it might be easier to have a baby! Just have to keep praying!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Still waiting...
Dear God,
I do not understand. It has been over six months since we lost our precious little bean. We have officially been trying for a baby for a year now. Each month we pray for a child. Each month we hope for a baby. Each month we put our faith in you... and each month we are still waiting.
Now, I know that your timing is not ours. I know we do not see the entire picture. I know that you have a plan. But I just cannot see it.
I am exhausted. I am tired of waiting. Everywhere I turn, I hear friends say "it will happen" or "just be patient". And everywhere I turn, people are pregnant and expecting their miracles. It just hurts my heart.
I feel like I am close to a breakdown. With financial stresses, unfulfilled expectations, and not much to smile about right now, it is hard to trust. I just do not know how much more I can handle.
I can feel my faith being tested... I hope I pass the test, Lord, because right now, all I can see is disappointment and pain. Some days are better than others. I guess I am just in a dark moment.
Please help me God.
I do not understand. It has been over six months since we lost our precious little bean. We have officially been trying for a baby for a year now. Each month we pray for a child. Each month we hope for a baby. Each month we put our faith in you... and each month we are still waiting.
Now, I know that your timing is not ours. I know we do not see the entire picture. I know that you have a plan. But I just cannot see it.
I am exhausted. I am tired of waiting. Everywhere I turn, I hear friends say "it will happen" or "just be patient". And everywhere I turn, people are pregnant and expecting their miracles. It just hurts my heart.
I feel like I am close to a breakdown. With financial stresses, unfulfilled expectations, and not much to smile about right now, it is hard to trust. I just do not know how much more I can handle.
I can feel my faith being tested... I hope I pass the test, Lord, because right now, all I can see is disappointment and pain. Some days are better than others. I guess I am just in a dark moment.
Please help me God.
Friday, February 19, 2010
2010
It has been a while since I last posted something. To say we've been busy is the understatement of the year.
Andy graduated from Tennessee Tech on December 19th (Praise God) with a degree in History. Then we had a lovely Christmas with family and friends. Then we moved... the day after Christmas (never move the day after Christmas...ugh) to White House, TN.
I was offered a job at a local daycare here in White House and Andy began to teach guitar lessons at a place not too far from here. We are still praying for a full time position for Andy... but the doors have not yet opened for that, meaning that money is still pretty tight.
I had a wonderful 27th birthday in January. Nana was in town and she made my birthday dinner. (Mom was still laid up from her surgery right after Christmas so we had dinner at her house so she could be there... and since we had just moved.) And then we met friends after dinner and I got to go shopping with the girls... very fun.
On February 3rd, it was five months since we lost our little bean. We really thought that we would be pregnant again by now. It truly has been harder than I expected. Nearly all of my closest friends are pregnant or have little ones or both. I hurt every time they have an ultrasound or any baby news. I have had to battle envy daily.
But each month I am still hopeful. When we do have a child, we know it will be a true gift from God. I just hope that I am obedient and a blessing while I wait.
http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWI-iZsIKIk
Andy graduated from Tennessee Tech on December 19th (Praise God) with a degree in History. Then we had a lovely Christmas with family and friends. Then we moved... the day after Christmas (never move the day after Christmas...ugh) to White House, TN.
I was offered a job at a local daycare here in White House and Andy began to teach guitar lessons at a place not too far from here. We are still praying for a full time position for Andy... but the doors have not yet opened for that, meaning that money is still pretty tight.
I had a wonderful 27th birthday in January. Nana was in town and she made my birthday dinner. (Mom was still laid up from her surgery right after Christmas so we had dinner at her house so she could be there... and since we had just moved.) And then we met friends after dinner and I got to go shopping with the girls... very fun.
On February 3rd, it was five months since we lost our little bean. We really thought that we would be pregnant again by now. It truly has been harder than I expected. Nearly all of my closest friends are pregnant or have little ones or both. I hurt every time they have an ultrasound or any baby news. I have had to battle envy daily.
But each month I am still hopeful. When we do have a child, we know it will be a true gift from God. I just hope that I am obedient and a blessing while I wait.
http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWI-iZsIKIk
Sunday, October 25, 2009
October so far... answered prayers
Well, my Quigley pug got sick. VERY sick. Did not eat or drink for over 24 hours (if anyone knows pugs, this is UNHEARD of in pug world). Lost 1 1/2 lbs in 48 hours. The vet was less than optimistic. The vet tech even less bright... talking about "discussing your options" with the vet. Nuhuh. I looked at her through tears and said "I've already lost a baby. I'm not losing my dog." They gave him a shot to keep him from vomiting anymore (guess it took a while to kick in since he puked again as soon as I got him into the car) and we just prayed that he would snap out of it. God hears prayers of despiration... and He knew I needed my Quigley. Within a few hours, he started to drink some water. The next morning, he was hungry again. We were so glad... I think I would have cooked him a feast if I could have.
So insurance companies are not my friend. Andy and I do not have pregnancy coverage in our health insurance. When we found out I was expecting, we applied for it. I ended up having to rush to the doctor due to the miscarriage the same day that I sent in my application (via internet... they should have those things immediately, right?)... Well, they approved us for insurance but they approved it on the day THEY received my application, not the day I applied... long story short, we ended up with $1135 that we owed. Sorry, but I do not think I have that much in my piggy bank. I prayed for God's favor, called the insurance company, and guess what?!?!? They retroacted my insurance to pay for that bill! YAY!
Andy and I have alot of changes coming up rather quickly in our life. Sometimes it is hard to trust God with the big things... and even with the little things. But I guess I just need to remind myself of all the blessings He has bestowed on us lately.
So insurance companies are not my friend. Andy and I do not have pregnancy coverage in our health insurance. When we found out I was expecting, we applied for it. I ended up having to rush to the doctor due to the miscarriage the same day that I sent in my application (via internet... they should have those things immediately, right?)... Well, they approved us for insurance but they approved it on the day THEY received my application, not the day I applied... long story short, we ended up with $1135 that we owed. Sorry, but I do not think I have that much in my piggy bank. I prayed for God's favor, called the insurance company, and guess what?!?!? They retroacted my insurance to pay for that bill! YAY!
Andy and I have alot of changes coming up rather quickly in our life. Sometimes it is hard to trust God with the big things... and even with the little things. But I guess I just need to remind myself of all the blessings He has bestowed on us lately.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A good cry = healing
My mom told me about a song... said I had to get the cd. So I go on youtube and check out a video... this WILL make you cry so beware.
The story is that this couple (who are part of the Christian group Selah) were expecting their fourth daughter. In the middle of the pregnancy, they were told that their unborn baby had several serious conditions that were incompatible with life. Her lungs were not developing, her kidneys couldn’t function and there was an absence of amniotic fluid around her. Todd and Angie made the decision to carry baby Audrey to term, until it was time to say goodbye. “We decided that she would stay with us until the Lord takes her.” Their doctor told them that she would not likely live through the birthing process.
Their baby Audrey Caroline lived for 2 1/2 hours. The song and youtube video is a tribute to her. Sadly, only 7 weeks later, Audrey Caroline's baby cousin Gregory Luke died of SIDS at just 10 weeks old... Such tragedy in such a short time and yet their faith is still strong. Baby Audrey's mommy has a beautiful blog that will encourage you... http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/... it has certainly encouraged me. And sometimes tears are healing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&feature=related
The story is that this couple (who are part of the Christian group Selah) were expecting their fourth daughter. In the middle of the pregnancy, they were told that their unborn baby had several serious conditions that were incompatible with life. Her lungs were not developing, her kidneys couldn’t function and there was an absence of amniotic fluid around her. Todd and Angie made the decision to carry baby Audrey to term, until it was time to say goodbye. “We decided that she would stay with us until the Lord takes her.” Their doctor told them that she would not likely live through the birthing process.
Their baby Audrey Caroline lived for 2 1/2 hours. The song and youtube video is a tribute to her. Sadly, only 7 weeks later, Audrey Caroline's baby cousin Gregory Luke died of SIDS at just 10 weeks old... Such tragedy in such a short time and yet their faith is still strong. Baby Audrey's mommy has a beautiful blog that will encourage you... http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/... it has certainly encouraged me. And sometimes tears are healing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&feature=related
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thank God September is over
I am so grateful that it is October. September was the toughest, most difficult month of my entire life. Today is four weeks since I lost my little one... still miss my little bean.
Still sad. Still looking towards the future. Still hopeful. Still trusting God.
Been trying to "get healthy". Done at least a mile each day this week and a few last week. Eating better and more healthy... I guess it's just my way of preparing...
Still sad. Still looking towards the future. Still hopeful. Still trusting God.
Been trying to "get healthy". Done at least a mile each day this week and a few last week. Eating better and more healthy... I guess it's just my way of preparing...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Just a dream...
I feel like the time I was pregnant was just a dream I had. Amazing how everything can change in 24 hours.
Still miss "Little Bean" but trying to move on.
God is still good. We still have peace.
Love my pugs.
Still miss "Little Bean" but trying to move on.
God is still good. We still have peace.
Love my pugs.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
God makes no mistakes...
In church this morning, the pastor said this... and I needed to hear it... "God makes no mistakes". I think sometimes we need a reminder that He is still in control.
Romans 8:28 (We've all heard it a thousand times...) "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (NKJV)
So no matter what, God makes no mistakes. God is still on the throne.
I really want to handle this storm in a way that pleases God. I do not want to mope and become bitter. I want to thank God for the blessings and even the pain, for I know that God is working this whole situation for my good.
And FYI... I've put new music on my blog playlist. Songs that have been playing in my head throughout this week... songs that have encouraged me. I hope they encourage you.
Romans 8:28 (We've all heard it a thousand times...) "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (NKJV)
So no matter what, God makes no mistakes. God is still on the throne.
I really want to handle this storm in a way that pleases God. I do not want to mope and become bitter. I want to thank God for the blessings and even the pain, for I know that God is working this whole situation for my good.
And FYI... I've put new music on my blog playlist. Songs that have been playing in my head throughout this week... songs that have encouraged me. I hope they encourage you.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Joy cometh in the morning...
Weeping may endureth for a night... but JOY cometh in the morning!
It is okay to cry about losing a child. And yes, we lost a child. From the moment of conception, a baby is a baby. God formed the child in my womb and only He knows why we never got to meet our "little bean".
But I know there is Hope.
I am trying to concentrate on the good things... the hope for the future, the reality that it could have been so much worse, the fact that we know we are able to conceive, and that God is still in control.
I know this... I love my husband. He has been so loving, supportive, caring, and understanding throughout this ordeal. He is grieving this loss, too, and yet his focus is on my feelings and how I am coping with this pain. I am a blessed woman.
It is okay to cry about losing a child. And yes, we lost a child. From the moment of conception, a baby is a baby. God formed the child in my womb and only He knows why we never got to meet our "little bean".
But I know there is Hope.
I am trying to concentrate on the good things... the hope for the future, the reality that it could have been so much worse, the fact that we know we are able to conceive, and that God is still in control.
I know this... I love my husband. He has been so loving, supportive, caring, and understanding throughout this ordeal. He is grieving this loss, too, and yet his focus is on my feelings and how I am coping with this pain. I am a blessed woman.
God is still in control...
I was pregnant 24 hours ago. Now I am not.
God is still in control.
I was able to see the "little bean" on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Today it was not there.
God is still in control.
I am sad. My heart hurts. I miss the baby.
God is still in control.
Andy is sad, too. He wanted to be a daddy.
God is still in control.
God knows my heart. He knows how I hurt. He knows my dreams to be a mommy.
He is still in control... He holds my tears.
God is still in control.
I was able to see the "little bean" on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Today it was not there.
God is still in control.
I am sad. My heart hurts. I miss the baby.
God is still in control.
Andy is sad, too. He wanted to be a daddy.
God is still in control.
God knows my heart. He knows how I hurt. He knows my dreams to be a mommy.
He is still in control... He holds my tears.
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