March 15th

Today Andy and I have been together for seven years. I love my husband. He is kind and patient, hard working and loving, goofy and creative, talented and humble, handsome and caring... he loves me. He loves God. He loves our pugs. What more could I ask for?

Also, today is Daisy Lou's (our puglet) birthday. She is three years old. My gift to her... a long nap with me. She loved it. *smile* She is my snuggle-pug. Andy made her popcorn (she shared with Quigley).

Have I found my calling?

So I have been praying (off and on for a few years actually) for God to reveal my calling. I know that I am called to be Andy's wife. I know that I am called to be a mother. But beyond that, I have not known what God's path is for me.
I know I love to sing. I know I love children. I know I love my family and my pugs.
But in the past two years, through all the pain and suffering of infertility and miscarriages, I have realized something... I love children and pregnant women. Even though it hurts, I love to be around pregnant girls. I love to take care of them and help them prepare for their babies. I love to share the knowledge obtained through years of research I have done as I've waited for my turn...
So I've just taken a big step. I just registered for a birth doula class. In case you don't know, a doula is basically a birth coach... someone who helps you prepare for birth, supports you through birth and the first few hours with your newborn (assisting with breastfeeding). My classes are in July. Then I will offer free doula services until I get my certification (then I can charge $$).
I am SO excited! I feel like I just changed my life.
Andy has been SO supportive. I am so glad to be his wife.

Yes... I'm still alive

Well, it's been over six months since my last blog. Yes, I'm still alive. I hope to blog a bit more in the future... when I think about it. *smile* My computer is slow as molasses... so it is hard to motivate myself to get online often.

So what have you all missed? (The 4 precious people that actually care enough to read this blog)... Let's see...

The pugs are fat and happy... some things never change. They are hoping for some of the chicken I am eating as I type this... and they will more than likely get some.

I still chase snot-nosed toddlers for a living. The Lord has blessed me at work and I know that He placed me where I am for a reason. I simply strive to honor Him in the little things...

The Lord blessed us GREATLY with helping us find a church home that we love.

Andy and I are still hoping and praying for the blessing of a child.

My father has struggled immensely with his health. We are praying for a miracle.

Christmas is coming quickly and I am so not ready yet.

My friend Kendalyn had her precious baby girl Jessarehla (Jessa) Michelle Koehler in July. My friend Tonya had her precious (and long awaited) baby boy Brady Clayton Bohannon in June. My friend Rachel Freeze had her precious baby girl Elizabeth (Eliza) Kelley Freeze in September. My brother-in-law Justin Burney came back from Iraq to be there for his daughter's birth this past week... Leah Blakely Burney. And my sister-in-law Melanie Burney Odom is expecting her precious little boy in May. (ALOT of babies... *smile*)

I learned how to make my own laundry detergent and have saved alot of money doing so. (I will have to blog concerning this... heehee.)

I LOVE Aldi stores... save so much money on groceries!

Okay... You're all caught up now. Be happy.

Dear Little Bean...

Dear Little Bean,

How much I miss you. I cherished the time I had you and thank God for what moments I did have with you, though they were cut short... before I ever got to see your sweet face. I think of you today, wondering if it would have been your birthday, considering that today is the day you would have been due to enter this world.
Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you very much. We know that you are well taken care of among angels, mommy's Mimi, and your two wonderful great-grandfathers.
We are hopeful that God will bless us again soon, not so that we forget you but to fill mommy's and daddy's empty arms.
We will see you one day, but until then, you are loved.

Love,
Mommy

Conversation with Dad

So Andy and I were talking with Mom and Dad Saturday night... and Dad was expressing his concerns over the crazy amount of stress Andy and I have been under the past few months.

He listed just a few of the things we have walked through this year... With me working two jobs to get Andy through college, him working and doing school full time, money always being super tight, then we lost the baby, then Andy had to finish his last semester. So Andy graduated, Christmas was a few days later and then we moved over 100 miles a few days after that. So our new landlady is crazy, Andy could not find a job, I started working a new job a few days after we moved, Andy started the band with the boys, we were having to unpack our house... with continued financial stress and such. Wow. No wonder we are stressed!

Well... I guess I feel a little justified and certainly no longer crazy! Thank God for my parents!

And there is light at the end of the tunnel! Andy started a new job today! With benefits! And he has begun teaching home guitar lessons... so it is possible that I might be able to work part time instead of full time soon! I feel the weight of being the breadwinner being lifted off of my shoulders. And for the first time in 3 years, Andy and I will have a similar schedule! Maybe we will be able to go on our first vacation in 4 years!

So maybe if the stress of life lessens, it might be easier to have a baby! Just have to keep praying!

Goodman House gig #2

The boys played again last night. TOTALLY different venue from the first one. A LOUD coffeehouse in Ridgetop where bands small touring bands play.




Must say, the band before them was... um, terrible. Very very very loud and not good. Then the guys got up and WOWED us. And this was a non-christian venue... the boys were singing Christian songs with awesome lyrics in the midst of some strange guys. I was VERY proud of them.

I love my husband

Yesterday was a special day for Andy. He and his band mates (Greg Koehler and Marshall Tucker) had their first gig for their new band.

Before we got married, Andy was in a band with these boys and one other guy (Wallstone) but life and families got in the way. They are each extremely talented and meant to play together but this time it's different. Their main goal and purpose is to please God and reach others for Christ. Their music and lyrics are written with that in mind.

Now they have formed a new band called "Goodman House". Hopefully they will be playing many more gigs soon.



All I can say is that I am so proud of Andy and the boys. Their first gig was a youth rally at Greg and Kendalyn's church. They did a wonderful job.

2010

It has been a while since I last posted something. To say we've been busy is the understatement of the year.

Andy graduated from Tennessee Tech on December 19th (Praise God) with a degree in History. Then we had a lovely Christmas with family and friends. Then we moved... the day after Christmas (never move the day after Christmas...ugh) to White House, TN.

I was offered a job at a local daycare here in White House and Andy began to teach guitar lessons at a place not too far from here. We are still praying for a full time position for Andy... but the doors have not yet opened for that, meaning that money is still pretty tight.

I had a wonderful 27th birthday in January. Nana was in town and she made my birthday dinner. (Mom was still laid up from her surgery right after Christmas so we had dinner at her house so she could be there... and since we had just moved.) And then we met friends after dinner and I got to go shopping with the girls... very fun.

On February 3rd, it was five months since we lost our little bean. We really thought that we would be pregnant again by now. It truly has been harder than I expected. Nearly all of my closest friends are pregnant or have little ones or both. I hurt every time they have an ultrasound or any baby news. I have had to battle envy daily.

But each month I am still hopeful. When we do have a child, we know it will be a true gift from God. I just hope that I am obedient and a blessing while I wait.

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWI-iZsIKIk

October so far... answered prayers

Well, my Quigley pug got sick. VERY sick. Did not eat or drink for over 24 hours (if anyone knows pugs, this is UNHEARD of in pug world). Lost 1 1/2 lbs in 48 hours. The vet was less than optimistic. The vet tech even less bright... talking about "discussing your options" with the vet. Nuhuh. I looked at her through tears and said "I've already lost a baby. I'm not losing my dog." They gave him a shot to keep him from vomiting anymore (guess it took a while to kick in since he puked again as soon as I got him into the car) and we just prayed that he would snap out of it. God hears prayers of despiration... and He knew I needed my Quigley. Within a few hours, he started to drink some water. The next morning, he was hungry again. We were so glad... I think I would have cooked him a feast if I could have.

So insurance companies are not my friend. Andy and I do not have pregnancy coverage in our health insurance. When we found out I was expecting, we applied for it. I ended up having to rush to the doctor due to the miscarriage the same day that I sent in my application (via internet... they should have those things immediately, right?)... Well, they approved us for insurance but they approved it on the day THEY received my application, not the day I applied... long story short, we ended up with $1135 that we owed. Sorry, but I do not think I have that much in my piggy bank. I prayed for God's favor, called the insurance company, and guess what?!?!? They retroacted my insurance to pay for that bill! YAY!

Andy and I have alot of changes coming up rather quickly in our life. Sometimes it is hard to trust God with the big things... and even with the little things. But I guess I just need to remind myself of all the blessings He has bestowed on us lately.

Joy cometh in the morning...

Weeping may endureth for a night... but JOY cometh in the morning!

It is okay to cry about losing a child. And yes, we lost a child. From the moment of conception, a baby is a baby. God formed the child in my womb and only He knows why we never got to meet our "little bean".

But I know there is Hope.

I am trying to concentrate on the good things... the hope for the future, the reality that it could have been so much worse, the fact that we know we are able to conceive, and that God is still in control.

I know this... I love my husband. He has been so loving, supportive, caring, and understanding throughout this ordeal. He is grieving this loss, too, and yet his focus is on my feelings and how I am coping with this pain. I am a blessed woman.

God is still in control...

I was pregnant 24 hours ago. Now I am not.

God is still in control.

I was able to see the "little bean" on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Today it was not there.

God is still in control.

I am sad. My heart hurts. I miss the baby.

God is still in control.

Andy is sad, too. He wanted to be a daddy.

God is still in control.

God knows my heart. He knows how I hurt. He knows my dreams to be a mommy.

He is still in control... He holds my tears.

Non-traditional college life

Okay... it's been a while since I took the time to write... guess I've been busy, overwhelmed, overworked and the like... *smile* But there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! Only 9 months and Andy will graduate with his bachelors and we can move on with our life... YAY!

But I must say this... I thank God that He brought us out here. We have been poor, but always had enough. We have struggled, but never lost hope. We have cried but been able to laugh. God has truly worked on us and through us while we've lived the "non-traditional college life". We are not sure what is next right now, though we are praying about it. We see some amazing changes on the horizon and they are finally close enough to see.

I still chase toddlers daily. Have some pretty concrete views on child-rearing at this point. *smile* At least I have a list of what NOT to do... ha.

And I thank God for Andy. He is a wonderful husband. He has truly suffered and struggled to make our life better and I do not think he realizes how proud I am of him.

Hmm... and our pugs... truly the highlight of our lives. *smile* My new favorite thing - napping with Daisy... she is our cuddlepug.

Anyways... that's all for now.

It's been a while...

Well, I was GENTLY reminded that I need to blog again... *giggle*

You know, I wonder some days what God has in store for me and Andy. Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary. I am so glad to have him as my husband. Married life has not been perfect, but it has been an adventure... one that I would not give up for anything.

Andy will graduate in less than 14 months. What happens next? I have NO clue. Andy has no clue either. Will we move somewhere? What kind of jobs will we get? Will we have a family? What does God have next? Who knows. Makes me nervous... makes me excited... makes me frustrated... I'm just ready for it to be here. I hate waiting.

If you are bored... check out http://www.ucdailynews.com/... This website is part of my "part time job"... you might even find a few articles written by me or a cartoon or two by Andy... who knows where this will lead us.

Life in the fast lane

Sometimes I wonder why I make the decisions I make... For example, I am now working two jobs... I make the money we need but am never home and I am usually tired. *sigh* But I love my jobs... and I truly do enjoy them, but I wonder if I am the best wife I can be. My house is in disarray... Andy is never home either (taking 15 credit hours and teaching 45+ students every week does not give him much time to rest). I miss my husband. But I must remind myself that this is only for a short time... a season in our life before we start our family.

It seems so amazing to me now. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel... only about a year and 3 months left until Andy graduates. Our plan was always to wait until he graduates to start our family. That is not long from now. I want to cherish this time with just me and Andy... and I guess it's time for me to lose weight (which should be easy since I am chasing toddlers for a living) and time to prepare my body for pregnancy... They say you should start doing that at least a year to 18 months before you try to conceive. So strange that it is about time to start preparing for that.

A few of my favorite things...

Andy hugs
Babies... gotta love them
A good sermon
My parents
The smell after the rain
Unexpected messages from friends
A new worship song... and reviving old hymns
Indian food
Pug kisses
Sweet tea
A new skein of yarn
Consignment sales