Learning to dance in the rain...

Doctors...

2011-05-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

Yes. I'm still alive.

I have been gluten free for 2 months now. Have not seen a significant difference in me... lost a FEW pounds... feel a BIT better... but is if worth it not to have bread and pasta?

Went to an OB/GYN today. He is a BLESSING. A Godly man who gave me HOPE and prayed with Andy and I before we left his office. Thank God for him. He made me feel like I'm not "broken". It was a great thing.

There was a HUGE storm last night. We were without power for 7 hours. The pugs were very nervous. Poor things. But joy cometh in the morning! (And so did the electricity... *smile*)

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-09T22:21:00.003-05:00

So Mother's Day is hard.

The Lord got me through. I concentrated on the mothers that I love...

I still have hope.

My mom and sister both gave me something special for Mother's day... I have a wonderful family. (And you thought YOUR family was cool...)

Anyways... went to my first birthing class tonight... in prep for my Birth Doula training in July... LOVED it. I really feel like the Lord has led me to this juncture... I'm excited to see what He has next.

Finally an answer

2011-04-27T21:27:00.005-05:00

We finally got a diagnosis for Dad (now that he is almost 100% better). He had a encephalitis (sp?) of his brain contracted from a Yellow Fever vaccine and a parasite in his body. Wow. (You have to have a yellow fever vaccine if you do any missions work, especially in Africa. You do NOT want to have Yellow Fever.)
All I know is this. The Lord has healed him. We are simply relieved to finally have a "why". And we are just blessed and joyful to have "Dad" back.

An update

2011-04-19T19:54:00.003-05:00

So I haven't posted in a few weeks. Here is a quick update on my life:

*Have decided to attempt a Gluten-Free diet. In the past few weeks, there have been several people that have approached me with "gluten-free" lifestyles or asking me if I have tried it yet. Those with a gluten intollerance are prone to infertility and recurrent miscarriage. Honestly, I wonder if the Lord has been trying to get my attention. There are several other "symptoms" that I have and the only way to test for it is to go gluten free for a few months. So bye bye bread and pasta for a while. We will see what happens. (We think my dad and possibly my sister have it, too... and since gluten intollerance is hereditary, that makes sense.)

*My dad is doing EXCELLENT. Almost fully restored. What a beautiful answer to prayer and blessing in our lives! We are so grateful to the Lord. Dad had to step down from his position in the ministry, and the day that he officially quit, he began to get better. Wonder what God is doing? Mom and Dad are wondering what the Lord has next for them, as they are both now unemployed... so who knows where their money will come from... but God has yet to fail them, so I guess there is no reason to worry.

*Andy and I have gotten back into the Word of God... doing daily devotions like we should have long ago but were too lazy to do so. The Lord has blessed our small efforts so greatly in the past month... we take a step towards Him and he takes 100 steps towards us. I have seen such a change in my husband... and there is much peace in my home. The cloud of depression has lifted. I am blessed. We are simply waiting on the Lord to direct us as to what He has for us.

*The pugs are the same. They never seem to change. I love that about them.

Anyway... I think that's about it.

March 15th

2011-03-15T21:29:00.005-05:00

Today Andy and I have been together for seven years. I love my husband. He is kind and patient, hard working and loving, goofy and creative, talented and humble, handsome and caring... he loves me. He loves God. He loves our pugs. What more could I ask for?

Also, today is Daisy Lou's (our puglet) birthday. She is three years old. My gift to her... a long nap with me. She loved it. *smile* She is my snuggle-pug. Andy made her popcorn (she shared with Quigley).

To remember what really matters

2011-03-14T19:48:00.006-05:00

Today my father has had to make a tough decision about his job. It is a sad day. He has not been able to work due to his health. We have been praying for his healing, hoping for miracles and waiting on the Lord. We know that the Lord is still in control and that He has a plan. Some days, we just wish we knew what it was. My mom has really been so strong throughout this entire process but I know that she is so tired and ready for relief.

Yesterday, a wonderful woman gave her testimony at church. She has had multiple sclerosis for fifteen years and has just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She can no longer walk. Her testimony was simple. The Lord chose this place for her so she has submitted to His plan and has chosen to praise him through the pain. I cried and went up to her and thanked her after service. I needed to hear that.

I guess I just need to remember that if the Lord does nothing else for me, what He did on the cross should be more than enough for me to live my life joyfully daily for Him.

Faith, Hope and Disappointment

2011-03-12T22:15:00.004-06:00

Well I guess it's time to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. In about a month, Andy and I will FINALLY be covered with quality health insurance again. I wonder how long it takes to get in with a doctor just to get checked out and what insurance covers... I do not like doctors but am hoping for the best.

I spent the day working at a children's consignment sale, watching new moms and women with enormous pregnant bellies and wishing for my turn to finally be here. I would walk through fire to be a mom... I guess I pretty much already am.

One thing that I've been dealing with is the fact that so many of my friends that have not dealt with infertility or miscarriages truly do not understand the monthly pain of wishing for a child. Sometimes, there are moments that those I love hurt me with their misunderstanding of the grief and sometimes depression that miscarriage and infertility bring... but I have to remember that they just really have no clue what it's like. There is such a fine line between faith and hope and disappointment and discouragement. It is hard to know how to continue to have faith when each month your hopes are dashed.

I know that the Lord has used these past two years (this month makes an official two years since we started "trying" for a child) to make me more into the woman that He wants me to be. I know I still have some rough edges that He needs to work out... but I am tired and while I am still carrying on, I am longing for this trial to end.

Lord, help me to be strong and do what is right as I continue to wait on You.

Have I found my calling?

2011-03-05T23:33:00.004-06:00

So I have been praying (off and on for a few years actually) for God to reveal my calling. I know that I am called to be Andy's wife. I know that I am called to be a mother. But beyond that, I have not known what God's path is for me.
I know I love to sing. I know I love children. I know I love my family and my pugs.
But in the past two years, through all the pain and suffering of infertility and miscarriages, I have realized something... I love children and pregnant women. Even though it hurts, I love to be around pregnant girls. I love to take care of them and help them prepare for their babies. I love to share the knowledge obtained through years of research I have done as I've waited for my turn...
So I've just taken a big step. I just registered for a birth doula class. In case you don't know, a doula is basically a birth coach... someone who helps you prepare for birth, supports you through birth and the first few hours with your newborn (assisting with breastfeeding). My classes are in July. Then I will offer free doula services until I get my certification (then I can charge $$).
I am SO excited! I feel like I just changed my life.
Andy has been SO supportive. I am so glad to be his wife.

Random thoughts...

2011-02-28T21:38:00.005-06:00

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for my mother-in-law. We had lunch with her on Sunday and before we left, she gave me a baby blanket that she had made for me... in faith... for our child. It was a precious moment. I held it on my lap the whole ride home... just thinking about the faith and hope for a child.

A few weeks ago, I finally got to meet my new niece Leah Blakely Burney... isn't she precious? (I've just now put the pictures onto my computer...)

And I got another special picture this weekend... Andy playing legos with our 7 year old nephew Daaron... I just thought it was so cute. I'm not sure who was having more fun... Andy or Daaron. *smile*

To dance in the rain...

2011-02-28T21:26:00.003-06:00

I was on my way to work this morning, looked out before I left to see a cloudy morning, grabbed my purse and decided against my rain boots... walked out the door and it was POURING RAIN.
My umbrella was in the car and our home is about 50 yards from where we park on the street. I was pretty much soaked by the time I made it to the car. It poured ALL morning and by lunch time, I was seriously considering dancing in the rain. Why not? But if I did, I'd want a picture of it and there was no one else around. I mean, who would be crazy enough to dance in the rain with me? (Besides probably Kendalyn.... heehee).

Back to square one

2011-02-21T15:32:00.003-06:00

Well, my mom's blood tests came back clear. Which means that there is nothing in her blood that would be hereditary that might cause miscarriages.
So I guess we are back to square one. I am hopeful, though. Maybe that means that our infertility problems were just another step in God's plan for our lives and that our miracle is just around the corner.
If the Lord does not bless us within the next few months, Andy and I will probably go in for some testing. Maybe the Lord will work through a doctor. I don't know. I know that God is able to do all things and that He can do miracles, but I also know that God sometimes works His blessings through doctors. I know one such miracle... his name is Jude. And he is a precious little one that his mommy and daddy waited for over four years for... until they were led to a good doctor that was able to find a simple hormonal problem that could be fixed easily.
I will not give up hope.

Things I've made...

2011-02-11T23:01:00.014-06:00

So I just finished a big sewing and crochet project for my cutie little sis-in-law who is expecting her first little one in May. (Her baby shower is tomorrow.) I always feel so good and accomplished when I finish a project like this one, on time and I'm pretty proud of how everything turned out... so I thought I'd post some pictures. And while I'm at it, I might as well post a few of my other projects I've done (since I don't take the time to post pictures often).

Here is the diaper bag, burp cloths and crocheted monkey and lion for Melanie Odom (my sis-in-law). There is also a matching changing pad inside the bag that isn't pictured:

Here is a Winnie the Pooh baby quilt I made... my first experience with a log cabin quilt:

Here are a few of the crocheted blankets and other items I have made (mostly for friends' babies):

And lastly, a Care Bear I made for my niece... complete with heart on the butt:

Okay... after posting all of this, I now remember WHY I do not post pictures often. Posting on Blogger is a pain in the butt. Tonya, you are going to have to tell me your secret to easy picture posting... *smile*

Got out early...

2011-02-10T18:40:00.002-06:00

Got out of work early... so I got to have a nap, did dishes, had time to make (from scratch) a chicken pot pie and large salad for dinner and will start a sewing project after dinner... I love having ACTUAL time at home to get things done. *smile*

I feel like Hannah...

2011-02-07T23:11:00.005-06:00

Last night, one of my precious friends announced her pregnancy. She hugged me and said "I was so nervous and unsure as to how to tell you"... I just smiled and told her that I was so happy for her.

I feel like Hannah (see story 1 Samuel). When she was barren and heartbroken, longing for a child, she received a promise from the Lord (through the priest Eli) that her prayers would be answered. Then she went away and was happy, even though she did not know when her miracle would come to fruition. That's where I am today.

Recently, I was spending some special time in prayer and the Lord led me to Hannah's story, and then to Psalm 20 and then to Matthew 7:7... touching my heart and answering my prayers in such a quiet peaceful way. I feel spiritually pregnant. I am just waiting for God's timing.

I talked to my mom and she was sent for some special blood tests today. Her doctor asked her "you have three daughters, right?" and she said "yes"... he then asked "have any of your daughters had miscarriages?" Apparently, there is some factor that they are looking for in her blood that is hereditary that causes miscarriages. And if that is the problem, it's a simple fix. Maybe this is my answer.

My new passion

2011-02-05T17:03:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord allows some of the struggles in my life. Why I have had to walk the difficult road of empty arms while my husband and I battle with infertility. But I have recently discovered something... and I may have my answer.

I LOVE babies.

Okay... that may not be an epiphany to most, but not only do I just love babies, I love pregnant women... I love hearing birth stories and am not offended or grossed out by any gory detail.

I have recently delved into the deep controversial world of homebirth and am facinated by it. I am enthralled with the beauty of the Lord's designs... the way he made women to give life to precious babies. The way he built us to carry and protect his new little creations for nine months and then gave us the ability to bring them into the world.

Granted, not all women are good candidates for homebirth. For example, any with high risk or complicated pregnancies... but those women are a minority. And most women nowadays would rather have the hospital experience and want to have easy access to pain medication. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But after the difficulties I have had just in the hopes to be able to get pregnant, I have become passionate about being able to experience pregnancy and birth naturally. I want to be able to control the birth experience of my children without medical intervention (unless it is an emergency situation...)

Yes, this is a contraversial issue and I am not one to push my ideals or crazy notions onto those I love... but there is so much factual information out there to prove that homebirth is as safe as and sometimes safer than hospital birth. And most of the "horror stories" of birth that I have heard usually revolve around hospital protocol and being pushed with interventions that were unnecessary and not wanted by the mom in labor. I think that American women have become so fearful of labor and birth that often they just go along with whatever they are told... in hopes of something that can make the pain go away.

But I guess I can't say much since I have not yet had a baby... but I intend of studying this further to be prepared for when my time comes.

Okay... I will get off my soapbox... for a moment. But if anyone is interested in figuring out why I am so consumed with this topic, go to http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/. You will be amazed.

I wonder if I would be a good midwife.

2011... the year of expectation

2011-01-10T17:44:00.003-06:00

So my sisters have LOVINGLY deemed 2010 "The Year of Suck". I think it fits. We had a rough year... to say the least.

And we are expecting 2011 to be filled with miracles. We have prayed for months and months for miracles. The time is now.

So far this year, we've already had one miracle... a new job for Andy! We are grateful.

My dad has really been struggling... especially since just before Thanksgiving. We need a miracle. A BIG miracle. Mom is just about worn out caring for him and he is not the man he used to be. We need our dad back. God has a big job for him and right now, he cannot even leave the house often. We need God's intervention FAST.

Andy and I have been praying for, hoping for and longing for a child. After two miscarriages, and almost two years of trying, it is so easy to be discouraged and upset. But I still have hope.

Other miracles we are praying for: financial security, dependable vehicles and a child-friendly home (studio loft is not baby friendly) for me and Andy; a job, husband and home for Sharee'; a new job for my brother-in-law Steve so he can stay home and not travel so much; and a safe pregnancy and delivery for my sister-in-law Melanie.

The Lord has protected my pugs from sickness, kept my family (besides Dad's struggles) healthy and although we've had tight finances, He has always provided enough. That is a miracle in itself.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T23:12:00.003-06:00

Christmas was a good day. A time of family, fellowship, food and food and more food. There was a distinct sadness as we prepared to open gifts. Dad normally would open his Bible to Luke 2 and read the story of Christ's birth, give a small devotional and prayer. This year, we all sat for a moment and waited... wondering if he would at least try. But he had a difficult day on Christmas and was unable to fill his usual role. Mom tried to fill the gap with words of love and thanks for the family... but the absence of normalcy was evident. We are praying and hoping for a new year... a blessed year.

Gifts were still abundant, despite the lack of funds everyone has been experiencing. But the focus was not on that but more on the gift of God, the love of family and the precious time we have together... and of coarse the food. *smile*All in all, it was a blessed day.

New Christmas Eve tradition

2010-12-24T12:50:00.002-06:00

I am a procrastinator. I'm finishing sewing my last two presents today... on Christmas Eve. I guess it's my new Christmas Eve tradition... this certainly isn't the first year I've done this. *smile*

Quigley says "snort". Daisy is sleeping on my hand as I type. I love my pugs.

God of the impossible

2010-12-22T22:36:00.003-06:00

There's a song that's been in my heart this week. Written by Sarah Reeves (a signed artist that I've actually met and spent time hanging out with... she is precious.) Anyway... I've been dealing with some struggles this week... sadness and the like.
My Dad is not doing well at all. I told my mom today that I really miss "Dad"... He has not been himself for about a year now. It just makes me sad.
This was supposed to be my child's first Christmas. I'm still not pregnant. And I seem to be surrounded by children and babies. It's just difficult some days. The more I think about adoption right now, the more I feel more like Sarah in the Bible... trying to find my own way to God's promise. If the Lord leads us to adoption, I am totally and completely happy with that. But if I am trying to find a shortcut to the Lord's blessing, then I just need to stop and remind myself of who God really is.

So this song has been my encouragement this week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzFBJQjMnbU

God of the Impossible

My biggest storm, Your drop of rain
My raging fire, Your candle flame
My deepest ocean is like a puddle at Your feet

My darkest valley, my greatest mountain
They are Your prairie for You are constant
Your ways are higher than any other
So I will sing

God of the impossible
Maker of all miracles
I stand in awe of You
I'm so amazed by how You
Reach into my brokenness
Make me beautiful again
I believe Yes, I believe
Nothing is impossible with You

When I am weak You are my strength
And all Your power is made complete
You turn my failures to victories
Hallelujah, hallelujah

God of the impossible
Maker of all miracles
I stand in awe of You
I'm so amazed by how You
Reach into my brokenness
Make me beautiful again
I believe Yes, I believe
Nothing is impossible with You

Healer, Healer I'm restored by a healer
Provider, Provider I am filled by a provider
Deliverer, Deliverer I'm set free by a deliverer
Savior, my Savior I'm redeemed by a savior

God of the impossible
Maker of all miracles
I stand in awe of You
I'm so amazed by how you
Reach into my brokenness
Make me beautiful again
I believe Yes, I believe
Nothing is impossible with You

Random thoughts...

2010-12-15T18:45:00.002-06:00

It's a cold night so I'm making chili. But I'm honestly not hungry... already had some serious snack time today. (Chips and homemade salsa... yum.)

I've been thinking today that it really does not matter how much money you make, what job you have, what education you have... in the end, the most important things are: do you love Jesus? do you do your best for your family? do you work hard at whatever the Lord gives you? I think that is how we should gauge our importance... and CERTAINLY NOT in our weight or dress size. Just a thought.

On a very unprofessional note, I'm hoping an ice storm really does blow through Nashville... nothing severe, just enough so that I do not have to go to work tomorrow.

The word "adoption" has been frequent in our home lately. It has been almost 2 years since we decided to try for a baby. Maybe the child God has for us won't be biological. I still long for the pregnancy experience. I honestly want to experience birth. I know, I know. I must be crazy, right? But I know this is all in the Lord's hands. I have no choice but to trust Him with it.

I made a bow to put in my Daisy pug's fur. She does NOT like it. I have to attach it with Caro syrup. *giggle*

Andy is playing Nintendo... the original 8-bit Nintendo... Zelda to be exact. I think it's cute. He reverts to the days of childhood and sick days off from school.

Christmas is coming. I am still SO not ready. If I would only quit procrastinating on my projects. Maybe I wouldn't have to stay up late on Christmas Eve again sewing like I did a few years ago making a quilt for my mom... at least I can say that she loves it. It was worth the effort.

Have not sent out Christmas cards yet. I'm sad about that. I wanted to send out a "family" picture with Andy, me, and the pugs... but it's really hard to get a picture of us all since there is no one to take the picture. Was going to get professional pictures done, but with the budget tight right now, we just couldn't afford it. Oh well.

Laundry Detergent... by popular demand

2010-11-28T22:12:00.011-06:00

Okay... here is the recipe I use for laundry. It takes about $9 to get all the items needed to start out but then it is between $1-$2.50 per recipe after that... until you run out of something besides the soap. Seriously, we have figured it out to about $.03 per load. And it seems to work really well. It takes about 10 minutes to make and lasts for MONTHS.

Ingredients:

1 Bar of Fels Naptha soap, grated (I found this soap at Kroger and Publix... around $2.50 each bar at Kroger and $0.99 at Publix. Look on the laundry aisle at a major chain grocery store... either at the top or bottom of the shelves since it's not a common item. This is a laundry soap - you can also use Ivory soap but the Fels Naptha cleans better. I grate it with a cheese grater.)

1 cup Borax (Also found on the laundry aisle. Box of powder.)

1/2 cup Laundry Soda (Again... the laundry aisle. Laundry soda is like baking soda, just stronger. I have the "Arm & Hammer" brand... yellow box.)

5 gallon bucket

Hot water

Directions:

Put grated soap in a saucepan with just enough water to cover it well on the stove on medium heat. Stay with it to keep it from boiling over but heat it long enough to have no chunks of soap left.

Put Borax and Laundry soda in the five gallon bucket. Pour melted soap mixture into bucket. Add hot water until near the top of the bucket. (Stir before water gets to top so not to splash everywhere but make sure all ingredients are mixed.)

Cover and leave overnight.

Stir the next day. It should be the consistency of jell-o.

Use 1/2 cup per load. If you have an HE machine, use about 1/3 cup per load.

That's it!

My next endeavor... dishwasher detergent. Hmmm...

Yes... I'm still alive

2010-11-28T13:27:00.005-06:00

Well, it's been over six months since my last blog. Yes, I'm still alive. I hope to blog a bit more in the future... when I think about it. *smile* My computer is slow as molasses... so it is hard to motivate myself to get online often.

So what have you all missed? (The 4 precious people that actually care enough to read this blog)... Let's see...

The pugs are fat and happy... some things never change. They are hoping for some of the chicken I am eating as I type this... and they will more than likely get some.

I still chase snot-nosed toddlers for a living. The Lord has blessed me at work and I know that He placed me where I am for a reason. I simply strive to honor Him in the little things...

The Lord blessed us GREATLY with helping us find a church home that we love.

Andy and I are still hoping and praying for the blessing of a child.

My father has struggled immensely with his health. We are praying for a miracle.

Christmas is coming quickly and I am so not ready yet.

My friend Kendalyn had her precious baby girl Jessarehla (Jessa) Michelle Koehler in July. My friend Tonya had her precious (and long awaited) baby boy Brady Clayton Bohannon in June. My friend Rachel Freeze had her precious baby girl Elizabeth (Eliza) Kelley Freeze in September. My brother-in-law Justin Burney came back from Iraq to be there for his daughter's birth this past week... Leah Blakely Burney. And my sister-in-law Melanie Burney Odom is expecting her precious little boy in May. (ALOT of babies... *smile*)

I learned how to make my own laundry detergent and have saved alot of money doing so. (I will have to blog concerning this... heehee.)

I LOVE Aldi stores... save so much money on groceries!

Okay... You're all caught up now. Be happy.

Dear Little Bean...

2010-04-25T23:44:00.003-05:00

Dear Little Bean,

How much I miss you. I cherished the time I had you and thank God for what moments I did have with you, though they were cut short... before I ever got to see your sweet face. I think of you today, wondering if it would have been your birthday, considering that today is the day you would have been due to enter this world.
Mommy and Daddy miss you and love you very much. We know that you are well taken care of among angels, mommy's Mimi, and your two wonderful great-grandfathers.
We are hopeful that God will bless us again soon, not so that we forget you but to fill mommy's and daddy's empty arms.
We will see you one day, but until then, you are loved.

Love,
Mommy

Feel Good Wednesday...

2010-03-24T20:46:00.002-05:00

Okay, Tonya... I totally stole this from you. *smile*

So today at lunch I was sitting in my car (because it was SO pretty outside) and I turned on the radio and just relaxed... then this song came on that really spoke to me. I wanted to share it and it is Wednesday... so this must be my "Feel Good Wednesday" song.

Kristin... this one's for you.

Before the Morning - Josh Wilson
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Doing Laundry...

2010-03-22T16:06:00.002-05:00

I have decided that dishes and laundry are not weekend activities. Working all week and then doing housework all weekend, when do you rest? I would rather spend the weekend with my wonderful husband and do housework on Monday nights.

6 years

2010-03-15T15:52:00.000-05:00

Andy and I have been together for 6 years today! I love you, honey!

Conversation with Dad

2010-03-15T15:28:00.006-05:00

So Andy and I were talking with Mom and Dad Saturday night... and Dad was expressing his concerns over the crazy amount of stress Andy and I have been under the past few months.

He listed just a few of the things we have walked through this year... With me working two jobs to get Andy through college, him working and doing school full time, money always being super tight, then we lost the baby, then Andy had to finish his last semester. So Andy graduated, Christmas was a few days later and then we moved over 100 miles a few days after that. So our new landlady is crazy, Andy could not find a job, I started working a new job a few days after we moved, Andy started the band with the boys, we were having to unpack our house... with continued financial stress and such. Wow. No wonder we are stressed!

Well... I guess I feel a little justified and certainly no longer crazy! Thank God for my parents!

And there is light at the end of the tunnel! Andy started a new job today! With benefits! And he has begun teaching home guitar lessons... so it is possible that I might be able to work part time instead of full time soon! I feel the weight of being the breadwinner being lifted off of my shoulders. And for the first time in 3 years, Andy and I will have a similar schedule! Maybe we will be able to go on our first vacation in 4 years!

So maybe if the stress of life lessens, it might be easier to have a baby! Just have to keep praying!

Still waiting...

2010-03-09T20:59:00.003-06:00

Dear God,

I do not understand. It has been over six months since we lost our precious little bean. We have officially been trying for a baby for a year now. Each month we pray for a child. Each month we hope for a baby. Each month we put our faith in you... and each month we are still waiting.

Now, I know that your timing is not ours. I know we do not see the entire picture. I know that you have a plan. But I just cannot see it.

I am exhausted. I am tired of waiting. Everywhere I turn, I hear friends say "it will happen" or "just be patient". And everywhere I turn, people are pregnant and expecting their miracles. It just hurts my heart.

I feel like I am close to a breakdown. With financial stresses, unfulfilled expectations, and not much to smile about right now, it is hard to trust. I just do not know how much more I can handle.

I can feel my faith being tested... I hope I pass the test, Lord, because right now, all I can see is disappointment and pain. Some days are better than others. I guess I am just in a dark moment.

Please help me God.

Goodman House gig #2

2010-03-04T18:22:00.003-06:00

The boys played again last night. TOTALLY different venue from the first one. A LOUD coffeehouse in Ridgetop where bands small touring bands play.

Must say, the band before them was... um, terrible. Very very very loud and not good. Then the guys got up and WOWED us. And this was a non-christian venue... the boys were singing Christian songs with awesome lyrics in the midst of some strange guys. I was VERY proud of them.

When will it be my turn?

2010-03-02T20:51:00.002-06:00

When will it be my turn? I'm tired of finding out that everyone else is pregnant and I'm still waiting. *sigh*
Please, God... let it be my turn soon.

Blessings from above

2010-02-25T22:56:00.003-06:00

There are times in life where I truly wonder if God hears my prayers. Valleys in my walk where all I can see is confusion and doubt.

Then there are days where He just shows up in ways unexpected. Proves that He hears and cares about our every need. It is days like this that I am amazed that I ever doubted Him.

Like yesterday... Andy and I have been struggling financially... well, for the past four years basically. But recently, our financial status has taken an even greater downfall. Barely able to make rent and bills, we were not able to go to the grocery store this week, last week or this coming week.

And then God shows His faithfulness.

I came home from work yesterday to find EIGHT brown paper bags FULL of groceries on my kitchen table. Chicken, milk, eggs, butter, cereal, sugar, potatoes, apples, bananas, juice, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, mac & cheese, bread, beef, frozen pizza, frozen veggies..... and the list goes on. Apparently, my mother-in-law decided to give us her "house warming" gift... groceries! And her timing could not be more perfect!

God is good.

I love my husband

2010-02-21T19:50:00.007-06:00

Yesterday was a special day for Andy. He and his band mates (Greg Koehler and Marshall Tucker) had their first gig for their new band.

Before we got married, Andy was in a band with these boys and one other guy (Wallstone) but life and families got in the way. They are each extremely talented and meant to play together but this time it's different. Their main goal and purpose is to please God and reach others for Christ. Their music and lyrics are written with that in mind.

Now they have formed a new band called "Goodman House". Hopefully they will be playing many more gigs soon.

All I can say is that I am so proud of Andy and the boys. Their first gig was a youth rally at Greg and Kendalyn's church. They did a wonderful job.

2010

2010-02-19T21:10:00.004-06:00

It has been a while since I last posted something. To say we've been busy is the understatement of the year.

Andy graduated from Tennessee Tech on December 19th (Praise God) with a degree in History. Then we had a lovely Christmas with family and friends. Then we moved... the day after Christmas (never move the day after Christmas...ugh) to White House, TN.

I was offered a job at a local daycare here in White House and Andy began to teach guitar lessons at a place not too far from here. We are still praying for a full time position for Andy... but the doors have not yet opened for that, meaning that money is still pretty tight.

I had a wonderful 27th birthday in January. Nana was in town and she made my birthday dinner. (Mom was still laid up from her surgery right after Christmas so we had dinner at her house so she could be there... and since we had just moved.) And then we met friends after dinner and I got to go shopping with the girls... very fun.

On February 3rd, it was five months since we lost our little bean. We really thought that we would be pregnant again by now. It truly has been harder than I expected. Nearly all of my closest friends are pregnant or have little ones or both. I hurt every time they have an ultrasound or any baby news. I have had to battle envy daily.

But each month I am still hopeful. When we do have a child, we know it will be a true gift from God. I just hope that I am obedient and a blessing while I wait.

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWI-iZsIKIk

October so far... answered prayers

2009-10-25T16:22:00.006-05:00

Well, my Quigley pug got sick. VERY sick. Did not eat or drink for over 24 hours (if anyone knows pugs, this is UNHEARD of in pug world). Lost 1 1/2 lbs in 48 hours. The vet was less than optimistic. The vet tech even less bright... talking about "discussing your options" with the vet. Nuhuh. I looked at her through tears and said "I've already lost a baby. I'm not losing my dog." They gave him a shot to keep him from vomiting anymore (guess it took a while to kick in since he puked again as soon as I got him into the car) and we just prayed that he would snap out of it. God hears prayers of despiration... and He knew I needed my Quigley. Within a few hours, he started to drink some water. The next morning, he was hungry again. We were so glad... I think I would have cooked him a feast if I could have.

So insurance companies are not my friend. Andy and I do not have pregnancy coverage in our health insurance. When we found out I was expecting, we applied for it. I ended up having to rush to the doctor due to the miscarriage the same day that I sent in my application (via internet... they should have those things immediately, right?)... Well, they approved us for insurance but they approved it on the day THEY received my application, not the day I applied... long story short, we ended up with $1135 that we owed. Sorry, but I do not think I have that much in my piggy bank. I prayed for God's favor, called the insurance company, and guess what?!?!? They retroacted my insurance to pay for that bill! YAY!

Andy and I have alot of changes coming up rather quickly in our life. Sometimes it is hard to trust God with the big things... and even with the little things. But I guess I just need to remind myself of all the blessings He has bestowed on us lately.

A good cry = healing

2009-10-08T21:23:00.003-05:00

My mom told me about a song... said I had to get the cd. So I go on youtube and check out a video... this WILL make you cry so beware.

The story is that this couple (who are part of the Christian group Selah) were expecting their fourth daughter. In the middle of the pregnancy, they were told that their unborn baby had several serious conditions that were incompatible with life. Her lungs were not developing, her kidneys couldn’t function and there was an absence of amniotic fluid around her. Todd and Angie made the decision to carry baby Audrey to term, until it was time to say goodbye. “We decided that she would stay with us until the Lord takes her.” Their doctor told them that she would not likely live through the birthing process.

Their baby Audrey Caroline lived for 2 1/2 hours. The song and youtube video is a tribute to her. Sadly, only 7 weeks later, Audrey Caroline's baby cousin Gregory Luke died of SIDS at just 10 weeks old... Such tragedy in such a short time and yet their faith is still strong. Baby Audrey's mommy has a beautiful blog that will encourage you... http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/... it has certainly encouraged me. And sometimes tears are healing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&feature=related

Thank God September is over

2009-10-01T20:02:00.003-05:00

I am so grateful that it is October. September was the toughest, most difficult month of my entire life. Today is four weeks since I lost my little one... still miss my little bean.

Still sad. Still looking towards the future. Still hopeful. Still trusting God.

Been trying to "get healthy". Done at least a mile each day this week and a few last week. Eating better and more healthy... I guess it's just my way of preparing...

Just a dream...

2009-09-09T21:45:00.001-05:00

I feel like the time I was pregnant was just a dream I had. Amazing how everything can change in 24 hours.

Still miss "Little Bean" but trying to move on.

God is still good. We still have peace.

Love my pugs.

Anatomy of a Pug

2009-09-07T11:18:00.002-05:00

Screen Cleaner

2009-09-06T23:58:00.000-05:00

PS... scroll down to the bottom of the page to see my screen cleaner...

God makes no mistakes...

2009-09-06T23:24:00.003-05:00

In church this morning, the pastor said this... and I needed to hear it... "God makes no mistakes". I think sometimes we need a reminder that He is still in control.

Romans 8:28 (We've all heard it a thousand times...) "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (NKJV)

So no matter what, God makes no mistakes. God is still on the throne.

I really want to handle this storm in a way that pleases God. I do not want to mope and become bitter. I want to thank God for the blessings and even the pain, for I know that God is working this whole situation for my good.

And FYI... I've put new music on my blog playlist. Songs that have been playing in my head throughout this week... songs that have encouraged me. I hope they encourage you.

Joy cometh in the morning...

2009-09-05T22:38:00.005-05:00

Weeping may endureth for a night... but JOY cometh in the morning!

It is okay to cry about losing a child. And yes, we lost a child. From the moment of conception, a baby is a baby. God formed the child in my womb and only He knows why we never got to meet our "little bean".

But I know there is Hope.

I am trying to concentrate on the good things... the hope for the future, the reality that it could have been so much worse, the fact that we know we are able to conceive, and that God is still in control.

I know this... I love my husband. He has been so loving, supportive, caring, and understanding throughout this ordeal. He is grieving this loss, too, and yet his focus is on my feelings and how I am coping with this pain. I am a blessed woman.

God is still in control...

2009-09-05T00:17:00.004-05:00

I was pregnant 24 hours ago. Now I am not.

God is still in control.

I was able to see the "little bean" on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Today it was not there.

God is still in control.

I am sad. My heart hurts. I miss the baby.

God is still in control.

Andy is sad, too. He wanted to be a daddy.

God is still in control.

God knows my heart. He knows how I hurt. He knows my dreams to be a mommy.

He is still in control... He holds my tears.

I'm a terrible blogger

2009-06-25T20:33:00.002-05:00

Well, we have been busy.

Been getting to work at 5:30 A.M. each morning for the past two weeks. Did not know that the sun came out that early. It saddens me that parents actually drop their kids off before 6 A.M. Poor kids.

So I am tired alot right now. But that is okay. It is just for these two weeks. Go back to the 7 A.M. - 3 P.M. shift again next week... and nest week is a SHORT WEEK!!! YAY! We get to go and see Greg and Kendalyn and Charlie next weekend. I think Andy and I really need to get away and spend a weekend with friends. If not for our pugs, we would be TOTALLY stressed out right now.

We are really ready for this phase of our lives to be over. We have been here for three years now. Wow. I am amazed that it has been that long.

I think we need a vacation. We need to go to the beach. We have not had an actual vacation since before we moved to Cookeville... and it kills me that two of my best friends are on vacation this week. UGH. SO not fair. But I love them, so I cannot get mad. Heehee.

Cloth Diapers...

2009-06-05T17:11:00.002-05:00

Okay... you know me... I'm obsessed with cloth diapers!!!!

If you are interested in trying cloth... PLEASE contact me... and join in this contest for free diapers!!!

Pugnic 2009

2009-05-03T21:12:00.005-05:00

It was going to rain on Saturday... but it was the day of the pugnic. So Quigley, Daisy, Jan (my friendly coworker) and I trasped out on a rainy day from Cookeville to Nashville to attend the pugnic. (Andy wished he could come with us, but sadly, he had to work... so he wants to go next year... we can't wait!)

Daisy Lou decided that she was going to be the friendliest pug in town, meeting every pug and puppy in attendance, tying Jan into knots with her leash... poor Jan. *smile*
Quigley let us know right away that pugnics are NOT his thing. His feet were wet and I don't think he liked the reminder that yes, he is a dog... not a human being. He was so glad to get home.

Once we were home, both pugs CRASHED for the evening. I don't think they even thought about eating dinner... they were SO exhausted! So snoring abounded in my home for the rest of the night.

This Christian thing...

2009-03-30T21:24:00.003-05:00

So I think I am realizing more and more what this whole "Christian thing" is all about. I think I grew up believing that a Christian is perfect... always does the right thing... always says the right thing... never upsets anyone... Maybe that is the vice of growing up in the church.

Perhaps that is the cause of so many rebellious teenagers in the church... believing that they are to be "perfect" and because they are incapable of being so, they rebel.

In my Bible Study tonight, I really felt slapped with the realization that being God's child really does not mean that you are always doing the right thing. Honestly... most of the people in the Bible were REALLY screwed up! We are doing a study on David... and he was sure not perfect... aldulterer, murderer... he had several wives and concubines... he got angry at God... and yet he was called "a man after God's own heart" by GOD!!! hmm. Paul... one of the most incredible apostles, was a man that murdered Christians.

I'm guessing that if those men could not walk in the right path all the time, then I probably will fail also... and yet God's Grace is PREVIOUS... He already knows when, how and why I will sin... and yet He has ALREADY given me grace for those moments. WOW. It is kind of mind blowing. If I were God, I think I would not be so gracious.

Terrible Blogger

2009-03-27T20:45:00.003-05:00

So I am a terrible blogger... but since I do not have internet access at home and am only near internet availability a few times a week, I do not feel that bad. *smile*

Nine months left... Andy will graduate with his Bachelor's Degree in 9 months. Wow. We moved to Cookeville almost three years ago so that he could go to college.

Interesting bit of trivia... I've had FIVE jobs in the three years that we have lived out here. Ha. That is pathetic.

Now it is time to start deciding what is next... where we will live... what job Andy will have... what I will do... when children will come into the picture. Seems a bit overwhelming at times... and kind of exciting.

One thing is for certain... it is not a good time to be poor. Heehee. Moving and changing things takes money. But if God owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" then I think He could sell a few to help us do whatever he has planned for us next. *giggle*

If anyone reading this knows me AT ALL... or has spoken to me for five minutes or more... you know I REALLY want children. But as the reality of motherhood is approaching, I must admit I am nervous. Having a child is not just having baby showers, giving birth and bringing home a little bundle of joy. It is a responsibility to raise a child in God's word, to discipline as God would have you to and to care for this child 24/7 for the next 18 years... wow. Only with God's help can I do this crazy calling. I know that I will be a mom one day... sooner now rather than later... what an amazing and scary adventure!

I hope the pugs have prepared me for motherhood... ha.

Non-traditional college life

2009-03-19T19:27:00.005-05:00

Okay... it's been a while since I took the time to write... guess I've been busy, overwhelmed, overworked and the like... *smile* But there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! Only 9 months and Andy will graduate with his bachelors and we can move on with our life... YAY!

But I must say this... I thank God that He brought us out here. We have been poor, but always had enough. We have struggled, but never lost hope. We have cried but been able to laugh. God has truly worked on us and through us while we've lived the "non-traditional college life". We are not sure what is next right now, though we are praying about it. We see some amazing changes on the horizon and they are finally close enough to see.

I still chase toddlers daily. Have some pretty concrete views on child-rearing at this point. *smile* At least I have a list of what NOT to do... ha.

And I thank God for Andy. He is a wonderful husband. He has truly suffered and struggled to make our life better and I do not think he realizes how proud I am of him.

Hmm... and our pugs... truly the highlight of our lives. *smile* My new favorite thing - napping with Daisy... she is our cuddlepug.

Anyways... that's all for now.

Sniff sniff....

2008-11-19T17:49:00.004-06:00

So we've been sick lately... First me, then Andy, and then me again. I'm sure glad that the pugs can't catch our human sicknesses... or else I would be in trouble.

It's the curse/blessing of working at a daycare... toddlers are precious, but as my mother-in-law says, they are just little germ carriers. They say that after you work in daycare a while, you build up a solid immune system and then rarely get sick. *crossing fingers* That's what I'm hoping for.

Speaking of my day job... I have to say it REALLY irritates me that some parents leave their kids there for 12 hours straight! Drop them off before 6 am and then rush in just before 6 pm to pick them up just to take them home, feed them and put them in bed. Poor kids! Do the parents expect us to raise them? In situations like that, the child usually shows signs of insecurity, and fear. We have one little girl... who is PRECIOUS to say the least. Beautiful... could easily be a child model... and yet her mom leaves her for 12 hours a day... (the longest amount of time allowed by the state for a parent to leave a child at a childcare facility is 12 hours). The little one actually calls me and my co teacher "mommy"... and she cries... a lot. Makes me SO VERY ANGRY.... but what can I do except give her the best environment I can possibly give her while she is in my care.

FYI... if you leave your child at a daycare, we can easily tell you if you discipline your child or not... even if you do not inform us of your actions at home... and I ask this on behalf of all other daycare workers... PLEASE discipline your children (with love, of coarse)... it's better for us, the other children, and frankly, it's MUCH better for your child. If you do not FIRMLY discipline your children when they are young, they grow up to be more insecure, unstable and unable to adapt to the REAL WORLD. It's a statistical fact. I do not understand the move nowadays to let kid do as they please. It is just a form of laziness if you ask me.

Okay. I'm off my soap box for today.

Things we could learn from toddlers

2008-10-21T19:19:00.004-05:00

Snacks are important.
Hugs and kisses make everything better.
Naps are essential.
Sometimes it's better to play alone.
Take turns and you might avoid getting pinched.
You might have to let the bigger kid have the toy.
Someone who was your friend yesterday might be your enemy today.
But they can be your friend again tomorrow.
Crying does not get you your way.
Throwing a fit does not get you your way.
Neither does pouting.

It's been a while...

2008-10-14T16:20:00.003-05:00

Well, I was GENTLY reminded that I need to blog again... *giggle*

You know, I wonder some days what God has in store for me and Andy. Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary. I am so glad to have him as my husband. Married life has not been perfect, but it has been an adventure... one that I would not give up for anything.

Andy will graduate in less than 14 months. What happens next? I have NO clue. Andy has no clue either. Will we move somewhere? What kind of jobs will we get? Will we have a family? What does God have next? Who knows. Makes me nervous... makes me excited... makes me frustrated... I'm just ready for it to be here. I hate waiting.

If you are bored... check out http://www.ucdailynews.com/... This website is part of my "part time job"... you might even find a few articles written by me or a cartoon or two by Andy... who knows where this will lead us.

Life in the fast lane

2008-09-20T11:25:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why I make the decisions I make... For example, I am now working two jobs... I make the money we need but am never home and I am usually tired. *sigh* But I love my jobs... and I truly do enjoy them, but I wonder if I am the best wife I can be. My house is in disarray... Andy is never home either (taking 15 credit hours and teaching 45+ students every week does not give him much time to rest). I miss my husband. But I must remind myself that this is only for a short time... a season in our life before we start our family.

It seems so amazing to me now. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel... only about a year and 3 months left until Andy graduates. Our plan was always to wait until he graduates to start our family. That is not long from now. I want to cherish this time with just me and Andy... and I guess it's time for me to lose weight (which should be easy since I am chasing toddlers for a living) and time to prepare my body for pregnancy... They say you should start doing that at least a year to 18 months before you try to conceive. So strange that it is about time to start preparing for that.

Where to find the batteries...

2008-09-18T17:57:00.004-05:00

Can anyone tell me where the hidden Energizer batteries are on toddlers? They just keep going and going and going... I do NOT have the energy they do.

And it is amazing that after a long day of frustrating moments, a hug or a blown kiss goodbye make me want to come back for another day... children are so precious. I watch while they sleep at nap time (I LOVE nap time... heehee) and just think about how each of them are so different and how they are each someone's baby... I try my best to treat them how I would want my own child treated.

And yes... the diapers........ you know, the diapers really do not bother me... yes, about 1/4 of them are poopy... but that is just the way it is.

Toddlers and such...

2008-09-07T22:05:00.004-05:00

Well, I am officially a toddler teacher.

All I can say is... they kick my butt! I come home every day WORE OUT. Just think... two adults vs. ten toddlers.... *sigh* If I do not lose weight with this job, I will be VERY surprised. *smile*

But honestly, I really love it. I love getting to know the kids, figuring out what makes them tick and why they do what they do... My kids are 12 months to 24 months in age, so communication is a challenge. We have some that love to escape when we turn our back... some that are just sweet and loving... some that pitch fits and some that bite... and it's all about strategy to keep each child happy, clean, safe, fed and still be able to teach them colors, numbers, letters, and about God... Thankfully, I am at a Christian center and so I am able to teach these little ones Bible Stories.

I know there will be some days that I come home and tell Andy "We are NEVER having kids!!!" (Childcare is the BEST birth control). But in the end, I am so thankful for this job and I know I will love each child in my room... and will be sad as they move on to the other classes.

Stepping stones

2008-08-18T12:05:00.007-05:00

It is amazing to me how God walks each of us through seasons in our lives... stepping stones, if you will, preparing us for the next phase in our lives. I look back on the decisions that I have made in the last few years... some that were seemingly smart decisions, some not so smart... but it seems to me that God has used my swerving path for my good.

Romans 8:28
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

And we think we are so smart... making "informed decisions" and doing what we think is best for our lives. But we only see a small part of the picture. Only God knows the future.

The Hallelujah Chorus

2008-08-15T08:31:00.004-05:00

HALLELUJAH!

I am turning in my notice today... God provided not one but TWO jobs for me this week. It was a great step of faith for me to take a job that pays less (even though I will be SO MUCH HAPPIER in it...) but knowing that we will HAVE to depend on God for our financial stability. But I prayed about it and felt peace about it. Andy prayed about it and he felt peace about it... so I took the job. Then I get a phone call offering me a part time job that will suppliment the money I would be losing!!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!

I start my new jobs after Labor day... YAY!!!!!

Not myself

2008-08-13T13:48:00.003-05:00

Today I came to a realization. This is not something I'm proud of... I'm just warning you.

I am not myself here... (no I'm not crazy... keep reading...) I have been at this job for over a year now. I do not believe I have had a "good day at work" since probably November... give or take a few days that my boss was on vacation. I think the stress and irritation is starting to get to me.

Someone asked me today if they had offended me... not understanding why they would ask me such a question, I inquired the reason. They said that I have been a bit short and testy with them lately. I honestly had not noticed. I sincerely apologized and assured them that there was nothing that they had done to upset me. I felt about three inches tall.

This is not ME. I am not like that. I want to be a servant and love those around me. I try to be patient and help whoever I can... at least that's who I've striven to be. Now that I think about it, I've been bringing this irritation and testiness home with me. Poor Andy. (Sorry honey... in case you are reading this.)

I think it's time for me to move on and get a new job. I have tried and tried to make myself just deal with it and grow up and quit whining. I keep reminding myself that this is not permanent and that I should just depend on God and ask Him to help me through each day. I have been attempting to do that and it has helped some but I do not know how much longer I can handle this position... this office... this manager. I do not want to be the person that people "walk on eggshells" around, for fear of a blow up. Maybe I'm just giving up too soon... I do not want to be the one that runs from her problems, either. *sigh*

I do not have any motivation to do my work. I have a hard time concentrating. I get depressed just about every Sunday night remembering that Monday morning is the next day... (although I believe most people deal with that... *smile*).

God please help me with this. I am ill-equipped to handle this situation.

A few of my favorite things...

2008-08-11T11:59:00.002-05:00

Andy hugs
Babies... gotta love them
A good sermon
My parents
The smell after the rain
Unexpected messages from friends
A new worship song... and reviving old hymns
Indian food
Pug kisses
Sweet tea
A new skein of yarn
Consignment sales

New day... new blog... random thoughts...

2008-08-11T09:49:00.004-05:00

Question... is it impossible to find a place to work that actually appreciates their employees? Pays them well and does not expect them to work their hands to the bone? That gives them GOOD benefits and does not make them pay dearly for the privilege? Just wondering if a place like this exists...

I made cappuccino muffins this weekend. They were not very good... wheat flour instead of all purpose flour and baking powder that refuses dissolve in the batter... not a good combination. I should try again.

I included a pug slide show in my blog now... My pugs make me happy.

The choir sang a song on Sunday. Angie and I had a duet... I think it went well. Only because God was in it. That song was hard for me... but I prayed that God would anoint it and that it would not be about me or Angie or the choir but that it would glorify Him. I think that is the only reason it went well. I honestly felt His presence and anointing like a blanket on my shoulders. It was an amazing experience.

King David dealt with depression... you can read it in the Psalms... so it must be okay for me to have days that I struggle with depression. I wonder if everyone struggles with depression at some point in their lives. But God is faithful... I sometimes feel guilty for being sad... like I am denying the work of God in my life. But I think He understands... He certainly has not deserted me yet. *smile* And I am thankful to have a husband that endures with me and does not think me strange... but loves me through my hard times.

UGH

2008-08-07T15:03:00.003-05:00

Ever had one of those moments where you can't even believe how rude and selfish someone is acting? Especially a professing Christian person who KNOWS BETTER and claims to be better than that?!?!? Now, I know we as Christians all screw up. I do more than most. But I guess I just expect more from a Deacon/Chaplain type person in authority. UGH!!!!

Sorry... I just needed to vent a bit.

PUGS

2008-08-07T08:21:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning with one pug laying in my spot and another laying on my pillow. Not sure how they both were able to move me out of my spot and into the middle of the bed, but they are crafty little creatures.

Non plastic grocery bags

2008-08-06T14:01:00.000-05:00

I've heard in California, they are outlawing plastic bags... sounds good to me. I hope that spreads across the country. My mom is panicking and hoarding plastic bags for good measure.
I've been happy to buy the non-plastic grocery bags... one at a time so as not to break my small piggy bank... but I think they are cool little reusable bags. Always hated the plastic bags. I think they are tacky. I guess they remind me of the slums in Nairobi... They say that the plastic bag could be the national "flower" of Kenya... seems about right.
And can't we go back to brown paper bags? They always seemed to work and they are so useful.

Just a thought.

Back in the land of the living

2008-07-31T14:17:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm back home now. Almost mad that the world continued to keep it's busy schedule while I was gone. I feel like an outsider trying to jump back into the flow... and it's hard to do when you're emotionally drained from family drama and a funeral... and exhausted from 14 hours in a mini van with 4 other adults, a 4 year old and a 2 year old.

Oh well... life truly does go on.

I miss my Poppa Gould.

Funeral Arrangements

2008-07-26T09:35:00.000-05:00

The viewing will be Sunday, July 27, 2008 at 6:00PM at Rosewood Funeral Home in Portland, TX.
The funeral will be Monday, July 28, 2008 at 12:00 PM at Rosewood Funeral Home in Portland, TX.

In leau of flowers, the family asks that you send monetary gifts to the TN District of the Assemblies of God. You may put "Charles Gould Sr" in the corner. All funds will be collected towards building a church in Africa in my grandfather's name.

Time for a funeral

2008-07-25T07:33:00.001-05:00

My grandfather went home to be with the Lord last night at 6:51 PM.

Death

2008-07-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

My grandfather is dying. He has pancreatic and liver cancer and was diagnosed about a year ago. They say that usually when someone is diagnosed with this type of cancer, a 1-2 month life span is all they are given. He's lived a year.

His name is Charles Gary Gould Sr. My father is named after him (hence the "JR"). I've never known anyone else like him. He was never a big man, probably 5'10" and 140 lbs at the most. He always gave VERY tight hugs... and he could talk the ear off of a horse. He is probably one of the wisest men I know. Always full of ideas, concepts and Biblical knowledge. He told me once that the world revolves on ideas. He is kind to all that come in contact with him, always has a word of encouragement and is very smart with his money. But of all the good things about my grandfather, the thing I will remember most about him is something my dad said... "He is a modern day Abraham"... translation = he walks with God. From my father, this is an EXTREME compliment of the greatest kind.

I do not know how much longer that my grandfather will be with us, though I do not think it will be long. He cannot hold a pencil, or spoon. He can no longer talk. For his sake, I pray that the Lord takes him soon so that he will no longer suffer and will be taken to a place of no more pain. I do not worry about him.

I pray for my grandmother and her loss. She married him when she was 14 years old. This will be a lonely time for her.

I pray for my dad. He is the oldest child and only son. He is losing one of his greatest spiritual leaders, his friend, his "old man".

I will miss Poppa Gould.

Going against the grain

2008-07-23T13:09:00.000-05:00

I've noticed recently that I am surrounded by people who think Andy and I are crazy. Apparently we do things "out of the norm" and "differently"...

Yes, Andy walks to work most days. He is saving gas, (which everyone is beginning to think it a good plan), and the tire on our truck is flat. But he's been walking to work for a while now... it's only two miles and he likes to walk. He's actually in pretty good shape now. (Maybe I should start walking to work... except I would always be late and very sweaty... 6 miles is a bit much for a morning walk.)

And no, we don't eat out often... actually it's a rare thing nowadays... we usually cook at home, and more often than not, we eat vegetarian meals... not because we have to, but because we like it and it's healthy. Are we strange? I don't think so. (Besides, meat is expensive. *smile*)

Also, when Andy and I have children, we will be cloth diapering our kids. I've heard so many negative responses to that fact. For example, "you'll change your mind when you have kids" or "why would you want to do that?!?!" or "it's too much work"... I even feel pressure from some of those around me to change my mind about this. Honestly, it only makes me want to do it more.

Just like when I have my kids (don't worry... I'm not preggo... I just like to plan ahead and be prepared)... I will want to go through natural labor... NO PAIN MEDS. Now, if anyone that actually reads this knows me, you know I am a wimp... and a whiny one at that. But I know it would be better for the baby and, in the end, that's all that really matters. I've actually been looking into water birth and am very excited about it. They say that the water can ease labor pains up to 75%!! That's enough to convince me. *smile* Besides, I love baths... so hopefully that will relax me. Heehee.

So, all that to say... yes, we are abnormal in some respects... I am 25 years old and I crochet. Am I a granny? No. Women used to learn to sew and crochet when they were children to prepare them for womanhood. Andy and I would like to learn how to garden and grow our own food. Are we nuts? No. We just like fresh veggies. Yes, we recycle and yes, I reuse ziplock baggies and save old jars... Andy loves to cook more than I do and yes, he does the dishes! Is there a problem with going against the grain and just being ourselves? Is it weird to be a little old fashioned and love the old hymns more than the new praise songs?

Maybe I'm just rambling now... Oh well, it's my blog and I can ramble if I want to.

Open the windows...

2008-07-23T08:11:00.001-05:00

Last night, I went home to a stuffy house. A storm had just come and gone and the air outside was crisp and clean. I was thrilled to be able to open all the windows in the house and "air out" my home. I laid on my couch, able to look outside my front window to see the neighbors' dogs at the house across the street pace by their fence as pedestrians walked by. I smiled while my older pug, Quigley, rushed to the door to bark at each passer-by as if he was going to eat them, although he is quite harmless. (He loves it when the door is open and he can see outside through the screen.) My baby pug, Daisy Lou, just tilts her head as he barks, trying to access if she should also be running to the door to protect their home with her girlish yips.
I'm not really sure why, but it just made my day to be able to nap on my couch with my windows open wide, my puppies napping close by (with one eye open, of coarse... making sure they don't miss another street walker) and the sun shining in. I guess it's just one of those little things that we sometimes forget to take the time to appreciate.

Puglets

2008-07-22T10:01:00.001-05:00

I know that some people do not understand the love Andy and I have for our pugs... we laugh when they snort, get excited when they wag their pig-curls and lavish love on them when they are sleepy... we go out of our way to get them treats that they like, buy them toys when we can and take them outside to play and sniff to their heart's content. It's almost pathetic and we know it... but we don't care. We don't have kids yet so we are allowed a bit of pathetic-ness.

So I've decided to list some of the many wonderful things that our pugs give us... just so that you all know why we love them so.

*they give unconditional love

*they don't care if we are pretty or rich

*they are always happy to see us

*they smile at us when we are happy

*they pout and snuggle next to us when we are sad

*they make us laugh

*they entertain us

*they keep the "baby bug" at bay

*they have taught us lessons in child-rearing... specifically what NOT to do when raising a child

*they are just so cute!

*they have helped us "get through" some of the hardest times we've ever dealt with

You may not understand... and that's okay. I don't understand anyone that doesn't love my pugs as I do... but that's just my world.

New to this blogging thing...

2008-07-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm new to this blogging experience. Kind of odd, I must say... kind of like a secret diary that anyone can read... or an email to anyone that wants to read it.
I am at work... I should be working. But I believe that if you don't take a few breaks in the day, you'll go mad... or at least I will. My job isn't that bad, though. I may complain alot, but I need to remind myself to thank God that I at least have a secure job in this unstable economy... well, I hope it's secure. *smile*
I'm waiting for 3:30 PM... then I can go home. Not sure what I'll do when I'm home, but I love to be home... maybe it's the housewife in me, or the fact that I have to be at work all day. I don't know. One day I'll be able to be home all day, to be a wife and a mom... then I will probably wish I was at work and could get away from the house.
Anyway... I guess this officially ends my first blog. I have nothing else to say.